Ratings: Mixed results as NBC begins its Geek Fridays

Originally, NBC planned to debut the final season of Chuck and new show Grimm on October 21^st, but they changed their minds and decided to Grimm might benefit from a Halloween tie-in and moved its debut to October 28^th. Chuck went along for the ride even though there was no tie-in to Halloween there.

Originally, the World Series was of no concern. Even if there was a rare 7^th game, it would occur on October 27^th. But, nature didn’t cooperate and caused a rain-out. An unusually competitive match-up caused the first 7^th Game since 2002.

Even though CBS switched to repeats of its original shows, it was too late for NBC because they had promoted October 28^th heavily.

In the end, the World Series didn’t seem to hurt Grimm. It pulled better debut 18-49 numbers than Playboy Club, Prime Suspect, and Free Agents DESPITE being on Friday.

Chuck, on the other hand, had its lowest ratings ever.>

(Note: we will ever know what either show would have gotten without the World Series. So, assumptions should be taken with a grain of salt)

The following chart compares the premiere to last season’s finale. The audience got older. The male/female ratio grew more even and there was a huge decline in Men 18-34’s in the audience.

Note, however, that the “People Using TV” number is also 10% lower even though the World Series pumped up overall TV viewing a bit compared to a typical Friday:

Chuck’s A18-49 rating was midway between a 1.0 and 1.1. It will round down to a 1.0 when using just one decimal.

Here is Chuck compared to Grimm. It skewed more female, but the median age was about the same. Fourteen percent more people were using TV in the hour Grimm ran. It's typical for viewing to be higher in the 9PM hour than the 8PM hour.

Even though Grimm’s audience was more female, it had a decent number of Males 18-34 watching compared to Chuck.

We will have to see how both shows do this coming week. Another thing we will have to see is what type of bump both shows get when Live plus 7 day ratings come in. These are Live + Same Day. Fringe recently got a 60% decrease in Adult 18-49 ratings when the Live + 7's came in.

Why MISFITS Season 3 Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks

In this article I discuss why MISFITS, the once great UK show about angry teens with powers, suuuuuucks.

More after the jump.

What the fuck does that even mean? After the jump. Sounds like I expect everyone to fuckin' parachute out of a goddam airplane before reading this piece of shit article. Why do people still say this shit? After the jump? Is the author indicating that to get into the mood of the article that a gravity defying leap is required? Are we supposed to exercise? Why even fuckin' say it?! I'll tell you why! TO BE ASSHOLES!

Oooooh, look at me! I learned journalistic lingo! After the jump! Now I am motherfuck legitimate, bitches! You have to slirp my cuntycock because I done tapped into the deep well of studied rules that determine levels of integrity and shit!

After the jump? Why was this ever necessary? In the olden days of newspapers... yes, they used to write shit on paper. I am not kidding. We didn't have iPads back then. We murdered trees instead and then printed words on them and then tossed them away and didn't even recycle that shit. AND WE THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA!

What was I saying? Oh yeah, in the olden days of newspapers, when 9-year olds delivered MASSIVE FUCKIN' FIRE HAZARDS directly to your home, and were then expected to go house to house once a week to BILL YOUR LAZY ASS, and have to literally hound you for TWO FUCKIN' DOLLARS (this is not a joke) for months, and then, when you dickholes didn't pay, were expected to PAY OUT OF POCKET to the newspaper slagbags who hired them so they didn't lose any money..........

But I digress.

What I have been trying to say is that when newspapers had articles that would have more words than available space on the same page, newspapers would indicate that the article continued on in another part of the paper by directing them that there was "more after the jump." This wasn't even moderately successful which is why, when the Internet thingy happened, some enterprising douchebags decided to bring it back to indicate that a story either continued via a hyperlink, or after an advertisement on the page.

Because, as you know, when the Internet and online advertisements first impressed themselves on the masses, the notion of clicking on shit, or scrolling half an inch down, was foreign to people. But why do people still use it today? To be shitbags, pure and simple. SHITBAGS! Actual bags of shits that are then used as feed for the cows that poop out the milk you pour into your coffee every morning.

There is no other reason.

So, when you find yourself reading an article that opens up with some bullshit and then tells you that there is more "after the jump," you should shit all over their shit. Shit into their mouths and pee into their eyeballs and then force yourself to vomit into a cup and then toss it into their faces!

Anyway, so why does MISFITS season 3 suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck?

Because Nathan (Robert Sheehan) is no longer on the show. And the wanker they replaced him with has none of the charisma, acting ability, or fun of the dude he replaces. But worst of all, he ends up with a girl much hotter than Nathan ever did, and yet he is UGLY AS A BLOODY HEMORRHOID! Not to mention that he looks fourty-fuckin-three years old! I think the producers were sitting around smoking up some black tar crack cocaine or some shit, shooting up the marijuana, and freebasing beer when they decided to bring this cuntsmear onto the show. No wonder the actor who played Nathan quit the show. If this is what passes off as quality in the UK, then that fucker should run for the hills of the grand and glorious US of A and bask in the light of God's grace, called Hollywood.

What once was the greatest show of all time... from the UK... circa 2009-2010... about people with super powers... is now the biggest piece of shit ever and I quit this bitch.

In conclusion, our parents were idiots letting us deliver newspapers, 2 to 3 hours a day for 7-days a week, while making MAYBE $20 a week, and having to hustle for our money from adults who were too cheap to pay on time. Also, saying "after the jump" makes you a cunt.

Oh and the really cute chick the 43-year old ugly ass new guy is dating... dies. Thereby solidifying the worthlessness of this show. Spoiler.

I can't believe they replaced Sheehan with this tosser. Seriously! They replaced fuckin Robert fuckin' Sheehan with this horse's cock! Robert Sheehan, the dude from CHERRYBOMB! Yeah! You heard me. I didn't stutter. CHERRYBOMB!

Alright, so that movie sucked but not remotely as hard as his replacement on MISFITS..

I'm bringing "epic fail" back. It went away, right?

Head Geek Furious is a graduate of the Harvard School of Writing, with a MA in Journalism and a PhD in Manners. If you would like to contact him, take a number, stalker creep fuck.

CHUCK Vs. the Zoom - 5.01: What's Up?

So CHUCK returned last night for its 5th and final season, and based on the horrendous ratings it got (1.0 in the all important 18-49 demo), the first of the LAST THIRTEEN EPISODES EVER!

But you are not here to read what I think about its future prospects (the show is done), but instead what I thought of the episode (seriously, it is over, enjoy the next 12 because there is no chance in hell there will be more). Oh and if you are not an adult, or a cool kid, don't read past this point because I am going to use language that will make Baby Jesus cry.

Let's start off with what I didn't think worked:

1. Morgan's opening fight sequence. The fuckin' stunt man is like 12 fuckyfeet taller than Josh Gomez! Plus, his profile is... thinner, or something. Oh, and the hair wasn't even correct. Whattheshit? Perhaps they should have just put the camera on the rest of Team B and toss in some noises of Morgan fighting, then turn the camera back to him to show that he had defeated his opponents. Because that would have worked better. It would have still been dumb as pudding-pie, but an improvement over what was delivered.

2. Morgan and Sarah's dance. Oh yes, it was funny because of the height difference but the scene wasn't played for direct laughs, instead it was used to showcase some incestuous feeling (after all, Morgan should always treat Sarah like his deadly assassin sister) cool-dance by the Intersect. But Morgan as the Intersect should be played for laughs, or tragedy (ruhroh), not for cool. The writers should have looked at what Morgan was like without the Intersect (crazy, suicidal brave) and added abilities. BUT HE SHOULD STILL BE A MASSIVE GOOF.

3. The near-ending scene with Chuck and Sarah and the house... while the discussion between them was only BURN NOTICE level cheesy (holy shit that show is fuckin' cheesy), the setup was ridiculous. So, if Chuck had only bought this dream house 20-seconds sooner! But now they are out of money so he has to make enough to buy it for her! You see, the dream house will still be there months from now because no one wants that piece of shit, plus it is on the Warner Brothers lot so that works out perfectly for Chuck.... for when he can finally buy it for his dearest love. Awwwwwww. Lame.

4. Decker. Still stupid. After months off, the writers didn't make this interesting in the least. Everything he says feels like the writers are trying to figure out what it will all mean in 4 or 10 episodes. His dialogue reminds me of when someone is making up a lie in front of you and struggling through it. It feels unnatural. You know something is wrong. But they keep talking even as you look at them cross-eyed and then STAB THEM IN THE FUCKIN' FACE!

What did I like? Pretty much everything else.

1. Usually season openers have actors trying to find their character again but everyone felt natural.

2. Character interactions in one-on-one scenes were actually really solid. Chuck and Morgan? Great. Chuck and Sarah? Very good. Chuck and Ellie? Best scene of the episode.

3. The Buy More, though not in much of the episode, was very lively and fun. Jeff and Lester up to their silly tricks and Chuck, the secret owner, and Morgan having to stop the madness. I realize some assholes who should die don't like the Buy More, but they are assholes and should die.

4. While the T.I.T.S. acronym thing was much funnier initially, before we saw it written out, Sarah's reaction to seeing it was killer. I love when she is annoyed, especially by Morgan. And that is part of the problem with the dancing scene between her and Morgan... they work best when he is intimidated by her, not when he is impressing her.

5. Chuck not having the Intersect 2.0 abilities was AWESOME! Sure, him being able to kick ass and shit was fun for two seasons, but the show has so much more personality when he is a danger to himself. Plus, it was a nice touch to have him lose the gun because his hands were slippery, as opposed to him just being incapable of handling a gun... you know, since he was very handy with a tranq gun PRIOR to the Intersect 2.0.

6. Chuck the man with the master plan is a big part of what made season 2 so great. And they utilized that well in this episode. From him briefing the team, to him recording the escape plan in the van, to him actually escaping... I loved it all.

7. Morgan coming to save the day in the opening sequence was very funny... up until his fight sequence.

8. Casey's handling of the client early in the episode. Classic pre-feelings Casey. Baldwin may have even pulled out a little Jayne in one of the scenes. I had FIREFLY flashbacks.

9. Morgan and Sarah had the spy high-five last season... this season, a spy whateverthatis. Made me laugh.

10. And finally, some fun dialogue:

Casey isn't happy about the client, dismissing him as an "ambulance chaser" but Sarah tries to sway him that the target is worth going after.
Sarah: Casey, Bale is worth infiltrating anyway, looks like he's stolen money from teacher's unions, families.
Casey is dismissive and unimpressed.
Client: He stole $2 million from Rush Limbaugh.
Casey's entire demeanor changes as he spins around.
Casey: Tell me EVERYTHING you know about this ANIMAL!

Ellie: The computer didn't make you a hero. It just gave you the opportunity to become one.

When Chuck tells the team he is going to play squash with the mark, everyone looks worried.
Chuck: Whaaat? What what what? What's the problem? What's up?
Casey: You're gonna play? Do you actually play any non-video game sports?

When Morgan meets the mark he introduces himself, still using his ridiculous cover name.
Morgan: I'm Michael Carmichael, of Michael Carmichael Industries, subsidiary of Michael.
Bale: That sounds like big money.
Morgan: Mmmmm, you have no idea. You know, if I was standing on my wallet, I'd be tall.

Sarah suspects Chuck is keeping a secret and confronts him about it in Castle. Chuck is evasive and refuses to give anything up.
Sarah: Casey and I are going to scout Bale's corporate headquarters so we'll talk about this later.
Chuck: Can't this be that one-time conversation? (deadly look from Sarah)

Morgan and Chuck see Jeff rolling around in a wheelchair looking crippled. Lester tells them how it happened.
Lester: He was trampled by a stampede of middle-aged secretaries for the midnight release of the talking Justin Bieber doll. His legs were crushed. He may never walk again.

As Chuck and Morgan observe Jeff scamming money for his disability out of unsuspecting customers, they are convinced something is afoot. Jeff rolls up to a customer.
Jeff: Please, help. I'm on Buy More insurance right now.
Chuck and Morgan are hunched over watching from a distance.
Chuck: The audacity! As the secret owner of this establishment I happen to know we have excellent insurance.

When Jeff idiotically exposes his own fraud, Lester comes over to see his friend standing up, looking fine, with Chuck and Morgan nearby.
Lester: It's a miracle! This is because of your donations!
This moment was a particular favorite since it reminded me of all the bullshitting that fans do, patting themselves on the back for "saving" shows by doing some useless thing they think important, that no network decision maker ever actually notices, or if they do, thinks remotely important.

So, you guys made the show walk, with your tweets! (that's sarcasm, mind you)

If I were to rate this episode, I would give it:

89 out of 100

Oh and if you want to experience our podcast for the episode...
RIGHT CLICK TO SAVE to download the mp3 version of the podcast.

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COMMUNITY 3.05: Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps

The episode following one of the greatest COMMUNITY episodes in the history of history was finally unleashed upon the world and I have a fuck or two to say about it.

Every season, fans anticipate the Halloween episode because this show knocks them out of the park every fuckin' time (Season 1: Introduction to Statistics; Season 2: Epidemiology). But is this the season where they shit all over their previous success and bomb badly?

Yup. And when I say yup, I mean hell the shit no.

See what I did there? Holy hell I am crafty.

Anyway, if you want a review of the episode go the fuck to a site that reviews fuckin' COMMUNITY episodes. But here is my quick take on it. Last week's episode dealt with what would happen were one character missing from a situation. In this one, each character creates the story. I know that these episodes weren't originally intended to run back-to-back but it actually works well like this.

All the stories have their own level of awesomeness, with Annie's story taking the cake for me. Now, let's dive into some of my favorite quotable moments:

Annie looking through Britta's laptop.
Annie: There's nothing in your playlist but Spooky Party, the Beetlejuice soundtrack, and NPR podcasts.
Britta: (excitedly) Oooh we could listen to one of those! I have Michele Norris interviewing Errol Morris. Don't worry, they address it!

Upon seeing Jeff, Annie laughs at his costume.
Jeff: What? I'm one of the "Fast and Furious" guys.
Abed: Which one?
Jeff: Oh I don't know. I don't watch that shallow crap. I just pick a costume girls will like.

Discussing some personality tests given to the group, or something.
Britta: Look! One of the tests came back with 70 out of 75 red flags for an extreme personality disorder. EXTREME, Jeff!
Jeff: Like a Dorito?!
Britta: A sociopathic Dorito. A cool ranch lunatic! Only instead of zest, Jeff, one member of our study group has... homicidal tendencies!

Britta's Story - Jeff and Britta make out in a car out in some spooky far-off woods, an announcer on the radio alerts them.
Announcer: In the news tonight, top story, an escaped convict from the asylum has escaped and he's mental and he's on the loose and stuff.
Britta: Oh my god! That sounds dangerous.
Jeff: Oh, I'm sure it's no biggy. But I am a horny man. I'm only half present.
Announcer: He was last seen in the woods and has a thingy for a hand. A hook thing where his hand should be, you know what I mean.

Abed's Story - Abed and Britta arrive in a quaint log cabin.
Abed: (speaking very quickly) Here we are. The log cabin I rented so we could be intimate in safety. Because it's not the '50s so we don't have to park a car and neck at Inspiration Point.
Britta: That makes sense. I'm turned on by how logical you are.
Abed: I'm comforted by your shiny hair and facial symmetry. Well, I just brushed my teeth so this would be the optimal time to kiss. (they kiss) Enjoyable. Soft lips. Just the right level of moisture.
Britta: Would you like to do it again?
Abed: No. We should listen to the news on this radio. I brought it as a cautionary measure because this cabin is within walking distance of the local insane asylum.
Britta: Oh, is that why you were able to rent this at such a reasonable rate?
Abed: Yes.
Britta: I hope you are as fertile as I am tonight.
Abed: More (turns on the radio).

Annie's Story - Jeff pulls Britta out of a closet revealing her to be his slutwhore, or something.
Britta: Do not judge me for my weakness.
Jeff: Stifle your slackened maw you drained and tainted bitch dog (sucks her blood).
Britta: I'm fine with this.
Annie starts to run out in horror.
Jeff: (dropping Britta on the floor) Wait! (Annie stops and turns around) Teach me to read!
Annie: Awwww!

Troy's Story - Troy carries Abed into a cabin, meeting a mad-doctor looking Pierce.
Troy: Oh thank god, an old doctor. Me and my partner are Top Gun fighter pilots, the best of the best.
Abed: (weakly whispering) Pewpewpew.
Troy: Our F-15 went down in the woods.
Pierce: I thought I heard something awesome out there. Please, come in for first aid and what have you.

Later, after Troy and Abed turn the tables on evil Pierce...
Abed: We sewed your butt to your chest!
Pierce: Noooo! Wait! Hah, you fools! By sewing my butt to my chest you've given me boobs I can touch all day.

Pierce's Story - Britta, Annie, and Shirley are the sex goddesses to Pierce's Hugh Hefner. Troy and Abed barge into the cabin looking racistly gangsta.
Troy: (pointing a gun at Pierce) Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! Whats we gots heres?!
Abed: This a home invasion you jive mutha!

This story is short but the best part is when Pierce whips his elephant size cock out and knocks Troy out with it.

Shirley's Story - The gang, minus Pierce and Shirley, partying in the cabin doing weed and whatever crazy kids do when they get hammered. Britta walks out, then walks back in covered in blood.
Britta: Uh, it's like New York out there.
The radio comes to life.
Announcer: We interrupt your death metal to bring you some heavy news. All the good Christians got Raptured up to heaven so if you're hearing this the good news is, you're the coolest people in the world.
Gang: (happily) Yes!
Announcer: The bad news is, the world is over.

After the Devil Dean shows up and assaults the gang, Angel Shirley shows up all sparkly in white.
Jeff: Woah, look! It's our friend we used to pick on for being Christian!

After Shirley blows Devil Dean away.
Britta: Thank you for saving us, Shirley! I mean, your name's not Shirley. This is a story about strangers. Anywho! Can you take us to heaven now, please?
Angel Shirley: Ooh, I cannot. I just came to say goodbye on my way to Abraham's bosom. Bye! I forgive yoooouuuu.
Devil Dean: (breaking into the cabin with a chainsaw) Hahahaha! Gay marriage!

Back in the real world.
Shirley: And he chainsawed them to bits! Then he put them back together. And then he chainsawed them again! Forever.

At the end of the episode we find out that Britta Britta'd the results and that there isn't one sociopath in the group, but one sane person. The group decides not to find out who that is... but we are told it is Abed. This was the only moment in the episode I didn't think was necessary. Especially since we already knew that! Feels like something the network asked for, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, if last week's episode was a 98 out of 100, this one deserves...

96 out of 100!