Following two straight epic episodes full of epic awesomeness (I feel like I just violated a rule of good writing) the COMMUNITY writers decided that milking it for one episode while high as kites from basking in the glowing glory of genius wasn't in the cards. Instead, they delivered another messed up episode full of... I PROMISE I AM NOT GOING TO SAY EPIC AGAIN.... ahh shit, epic! I couldn't help it. I'm not a trained writer.
Alright, so the truth is that this episode isn't epic. Yeah, I lied before when I said it was. That's what's so awesome about not being a real journalist. I can just say whatever I want, however I want to say it. I can even. Write fragmented sentences. No one can touch me!
Where was I?
This episode gives us a nutty Pierce story, with a Troy side story... or is it the other way around? Pierce owns Hawthorn Wipes, a company and product that the gay community loves. His dad arrives and is shockingly revealed to be a racist. Jeff kills him while giving a speech about being a dad, and gets the old man's wig as a reward. Troy has a natural gift for turning a wrench and fixing air conditioners. He is offered the job of a lifetime, literally, and turns it down because he just wants to watch TV with Abed. The episode ends with a quasi homage to DOCTOR WHO. And I'm already bored writing this and that means we go to QUOTABLES!
After a couple of gay gentlemen ask Pierce for his autograph, Jeff is puzzled.
Jeff: What was that about?
Pierce: Fans of the product, I suppose. In the wipes business we call them 'towel heads.'
When the gang finds a video online of a cross-gender musician singing about Hawthorn Wipes, Annie is excited.
Annie: Oh my god, Pierce! Your moist towelettes are a gay icon!
Pierce is deeply offended by the video.
Pierce: That is copyright infringement and defamation! I'm gonna sue the pants of that lady!
Annie: I don't think that's a lady.
Troy: And why do you want his pants off?
Pierce: Shut up! I only wanted his pants off when I thought he was a lady.
Jeff: So you were attracted to him.
Pierce: The only thing I'm attracted to is taking him to court and eating his ass alive!
Group: Oooooh!
Pierce: That's not what I meant! Stop putting gay things in my mouth!
The gang is worried about Pierce's reaction to his product becoming a gay icon.
Annie: I hope Pierce doesn't really sue that lady man singer. His life must be hard enough having to sew pouches in all his mini-skirts.
Shirley: Yes, I'm always nice to the gays. They may live in defiance of God, but I'd die before I let a woman touch my hair.
Surprisingly, Pierce arrives having embraced the new gay popularity and announces his company will launch a new product line.
Pierce: Hawthorn Pride Wipes! They may cost more but they're gayer. I'm gonna launch these little babies at a big party here at Greendale. Here's a flyer.
Shirley: (looking at the flyer) Oooh! Greendale's first annual... gay bash.
Britta: Wow, Pierce, congratulations on meeting the minimum requirements for open mindedness.
Annie: Yeah! I'm really proud of you. You're growing as a person!
Jeff: Oh, good grief! He's not supporting gay people, they're supporting him! If Mexicans were buying his wipes he would have ridden in on a donkey.
Pierce: People earning respect with money is the American way, Jeff. Not that my father would have agreed. It took a federal injunction to sell these things to the Italians.
Troy and some others are kidnapped and brought to Vice Dean Laybourne for a secret meeting at the air conditioning repair school. Laybourne explains.
Vice Dean Laybourne: But why kidnap you? Why put a sack over your head and drag you here in the middle of the night? Why is there an astronaut in the corner making paninis? Simple. We don't want you to tell anyone about this. And if you do, we don't want them believing you, isn't that right black Hitler? (black Hitler acknowledges with a wave)
When Troy is nowhere to be found, the group is worried.
Shirley: Oh no, do you think he's been kidnapped? Usually it's one of the parents and almost always ends in a murder suicide.
Annie: Why are you smiling?!
Pierce arrives with his father, Cornelius, and introduces him to the group.
Cornelius: These are you friends, Pierce? Minorities? Jewesses? And the unseasonably tanned?
Britta: That is inappropriate! And maybe you'll give that more weight since I'm whiiiiiite!
Cornelius: You've got a wide brow. What are you? Scandinavian?
Britta: Yeah! Swedish!
Cornelius: (spitting on the ground) Swedish dogs! Your blood is tainted by generations of race mixing with Laplanders! You're basically Finns!
Shirley: Oh my goodness. He's like the Abed of racism.
Jeff inquires about the wig on Cornelius' head. He tells them it is made from ivory.
Britta: I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!
Shirley: You can excuse racism?
Jeff holds the party that Pierce's dad cancelled. Troy arrives from his adventure and Abed greets him.
Abed: Hey, where'v you been?
Troy: I'm not allowed to say.
Abed: Are you Superman?
Troy: No.
Abed: Would you tell me if you were?
Troy: I'd tell everyone. I never understood why he cared who knew.
Jeff feels bad about his actions.
Jeff: Pierce, I just wanna say, you know. Sorry for killing your dad.
Pierce: Don't blame yourself. He bought a lot of his organs from questionable sources.
Pierce gives his father's eulogy.
Pierce: Father, I'll never forget what you said to me on my first day of school. 'Comb your hair, you idiot. You look Greek.' I'll never know if that was true but I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself. Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead and I'm not. So, I win. And you can suck it.
If I had to rate this episode, I would give it:
86.3 out of 100.
Following a couple of great episodes, this one doesn't measure up as well, but still has fun moments. Figure this is more of a setup episode anyway for Troy and the Vice Dean's future interactions.
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