Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.12: 'Brass Tacks'

Just because an episode introduces a promising villain and points the show in a seemingly-good and entertaining direction, doesn't mean I'm about to sing the praises of "Brass Tacks".

The back-half of Season 4 needed both a good antagonist and a clear goal to wrap up this storyline in order to learn more about Neal's father and his past. With Titus Welliver's character of Senator Pratt, it seems as though this episode of 'White Collar' is the precursor to doing just that.

While all this makes me encouraged moving forward, I didn't exactly love how we got to this point.

ONCE AGAIN it appears as though Peter and Neal may be at odds, because Peter knows he was lied to and won't be able to trust him. (Stop me if you've seen this storyline before) I do love the idea of both of them working and competing against each other regarding the key-map without Neal's knowledge, but I'm just sick and tired of that tired charade.

Damn you, Elizabeth, for not telling Peter the truth. You could have prevented this from happening again. My anger at Mrs. Suit aside, nice work from Tiffani Thiessen as usual. Great scene with her and Matt Bomer -- she always sells the emotional moments well.

No one loves Neal Caffrey as a character more than me. You guys must know by now that I'm a sucker for all episodes that involve Neal going undercover, doing something shady and channeling his con-man abilities -- but this episode is the exception. I know Neal is the master at infiltrating anything, but his turn as a master architect might have been the most ridiculous and far-fetched one this show has ever done. And that's saying something.

And yes, I liked Senator Pratt, and he looks like a good villain, but what does having Hughes removed from the bureau-- and not Peter or Neal -- really accomplish here? Stupid. A real villain knows that maneuver will only fire up and motivate his enemies even more. Plus, Hughes was never a threat to Pratt, anyway. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

This installment leaves me excited for the upcoming ones, but also irks me in the meantime.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--ELIZABETH: "If you have to lie to his face to keep him safe, you damn well lie to his face."

--HUGHES: "And I bet you always wanted to be an architect, right Caffrey?

--HUGHES: "You're a real son of a bitch, Neal. But you're the best damn son of a bitch I've ever seen."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Mozzie-related things that I enjoyed: He apparently doesn't play well with others and he calls Jones "Quantico", "Suit Jones" and "Wingtips."

--Gee, what a shock, Neal peddled his own agenda in the intial interview with Senator Pratt -- forcing Peter to kick him out of it.

--One thing about this show that should get more credit: the Burke's have one of the best marriages on TV.

--Enjoyed Mozzie improvising on the phone with Pratt, but I could have done without the ridiculous phone-swapping shenanigans.

--Damn you, Jones. I hate when the suits are competent when dealing with Mozzie.

--That car accident didn't even look that bad. I would have walked out of that crash without a scratch.

--Riddles are awesome, as are keys that are really maps.

--Neal/Mozzie vs. Peter/Suits ... who ya got?

--I miss Alex Hunter. Gloria Votsis, when are you returning, dammit!?

THE GRADE: C-

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Guest Review - ARCHER 4.02: 'The Wind Cries Mary'

Shawn Mahone guest writers another review of ARCHER! Tell him what you thought! -- HGF

You know the exact moment this episode had me? the moment when I realized that this show does not simply lazily get in a guest star and riff the easiest thing in the world to riff on? the moment where you know this series even in its low moments is going to be great no matter what in the end!

The answer is when Archer asked Luke how he was passing out and Luke was ok and Luke replied that the reason was because he coated the glass....the smile on my face was huge and then suddenly I shed a tear (RIP Maggs Bennett, RIP indeed). You see it would have been so easy to get Tim Olyphant in last years Bloody Harlan and use him there, it would be so easy to have this episode about two of the manliest men alive going around blowing shit up and banging women because Olyphant has to be Raylan Givens right? no! and this show is the better for it.

What makes this episode more and more funny is the fact that Luke is gay and he is especially gay for Archer and he basically has the biggest hard on for him. It is funny because Archer seems to be the only one who does not realise this and Lana's "Called it" was superb comic timing and delivery. This episode had some other great moments too while expanding the shows universe but also clueing in potential new fans. Krieger gets to do the great ant experiments while also being a total weirdo, Pam is the HR director who gets no respect (and in a great line delivery by Amber Nash works in a chicken shit outfit), Cyrill is the weasily accountant, Cheryll/Carol is just a bitch that I love, Lana is the hot headed babe with big hands, Mallory the self obsessed narcissist who has this controlling unhealthy relationship with Archer and then this is Archer himself. The episode is a check, check, check, check....check episode in a way but it is still funny and seamingsly done so that not to annoy returning fans.

Well done show, well done.

So we have the HR evaluations being done all episode long and the banter between Lana and Cyril was expertly done and enjoyable. If I had to mark this episode down slightly it would be killing off of Luke, his death bed confession was fantastic...just popped in an Al Green CD and some hand lotion and...... So to not see him again kinda irks me a little. Him and Archer just riffing with each other and getting along really well made me want to see more of Luke because we know Archer has no other friends and opening up Archer has made him a better character. Archer lets him tease him about his mom and he lets him out Archer him and so it is good to see someone who can do these things, but all in all.....

Great Stuff, just.... GREAT STUFF ALL AROUND!.

There was a ton of other stuff in there but this week I want you guys to fill in some of the blanks and let me know what you think! You bitches need to work a little!

I am going to try and do the grading system this week, I saw it on another blog and thought why the fuck not!

GRADE: A-

-- Shawn Mahone

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Furycast 64 - Chuck Versus the Colonel Viewing Party

Jess, KJ, Wendy, Bailey, and Magnus all watch Chuck Versus the Colonel and lose their minds along the way. Join them in their madness. THIS IS A TOTALLY UNEDITED PODCAST! BEWARE!

WARNING: Some adult language seeps out, causing us to have to give money to charity.

This is either autoplaying right now or you need to press play. Choose wisely.


You can also DOWNLOAD this podcast by RIGHT CLICKING ON THIS LINK and saving the file to your computer.

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Review - SUITS 2.12: 'Blood in the Water'

Before I ramble on and on like a mad-man trying to figure out how I felt about this episode, let me begin by talking about something I know for sure: Rachel and Donna are bleeping awesome.

Neither of them get as much screen time as I'd like, but Donna is consistently the most entertaining character with her witty repartee and humor and Rachel has been dynamite these past two weeks in her confrontations with Mike.

But if we're talking 'Suits' and confrontations, we have to begin with Harvey and Louis once again at odds. Both always have valid reasons for being pissed at the other and the argument in Louis' office was great as usual. That rivalry is perhaps my favorite part of this show in general, so I didn't love how just 20 minutes after Harvey explodes on Louis, all is forgiven by the end of the episode. And of course it was inevitable because Louis clearly wasn't going to leave the firm and Harvey had to fix things at the end to make it happen.

I get it. But I just don't like it in this case, because this is the second time now that Louis has essentially gotten another job and threatened to leave and the fight between the two this week was so heated that Harvey made it clear that they were completely done. This time that fight should have stuck. But with Jessica giving Louis the validation he's been searching for since the series began and Harvey ripping up the resignation letter, Louis stays and it's almost as if that fight never happened.

One more quick Louis-related complaint: why does he consistently let EVERYONE push him around? He lets Mike bully him into giving Harold another chance when he very clearly doesn't deserve it. If Harold really had made all those mistakes that Louis talked about, he would have been fired 1,000 times by now. They didn't do a good job of showing why he was any good, does a really good essay mean he's some genius lawyer or something? C'mon, he's terrible. And why do we even care? Was that all just a way to get rid of a character so the show can save some money?

On to more pressing matters ... I was a bit tough on Mike in last week's episode (although not nearly as harsh than Shawn Mahone was haha), but after getting yelled at by Harvey and beat up by Tess' husband, I think he's endured enough. He's gotten rid of the drugs, ended the affair and returned to being the brilliant legal mind and problem solver that he is.

Although that's not nearly enough penance as far as Rachel is concerned, apparently.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--DONNA: "Do you want to talk about it, I have ice cream!"

--DONNA: "OK, you caught me, I don't even eat the bananas."

--HARVEY: "Maybe Hardman wanted me dead, but you're the one who went out, got the gun, aimed it and fired it at my head."

--HARVEY: "You're the guy that nobody wants, but we can't get rid of."

--ALLISON: "You say we, but I don't see your name on the door."

--MIKE: "I want you to know it was after I ended things with Tess."
--RACHEL: "I want you to know that I just don't give a shit."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--The first 10 seconds of the episode was quite the unique endorsement of whatever brand of vacuum cleaner that was!

--"Pearson Paulson" does sound pretty good! I'm with you on that one Donna.

--Can we get Michael Jordan on an upcoming episode, please? (They've mentioned how he's a client of Harvey's like three separate times now) I mean, we all know he can act, he was on 'Space Jam' after all.

--Moral of this episode: Michael Jordan was really good at playing basketball, but not very good at choosing who is good at playing basketball. On a related matter, Jessica knowing his record as an executive makes her instantly more attractive in my mind. One last Jordan note: anyone who says he isn't the best basketball player of all-time is a colossal moron.

--Question: If someone is kicking your ass because you slept with their wife, do you even have the right to fight back?

THE GRADE: B-

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.11: 'Family Business'

Seemingly everyone talks about how glorious it is when Walter White and Jesse Pinkman cook crystal meth on 'Breaking Bad' -- hell, practically 10 minutes of each episode consists of a montage of those two cooking -- but as incredible as that show is, give me Neal Caffrey and Mozzie up to no good over those two drug kingpins any time.

No, I'm not saying 'White Collar is the better show. Far from it. NOT EVEN CLOSE. But, I don't watch 'Breaking Bad' for the meth-cooking scenes, I watch for the incredible drama and character growth.

'White Collar', on the other hand, I watch because I love seeing Neal and Mozzie doing shady things and getting into trouble. So when season 4 finally returned with those two making counterfeit whiskey, I was pumped -- especially when the first half of the season ended so well.

Unfortunately, I wasn't so pumped about the rest of what happened in "Family Business."

I'm a bit annoyed because I know the rest of this season is going be hung up on a storyline I'm not too sure I care about at this point. It's nice to learn more about Neal's family history and have his father around and all, but the whole crooked cop/framed for something he didn't do storyline is a trope that I wish this show didn't explore. It's not necessarily that it's terrible or anything, I was just hoping for something a bit better and more original.

And I couldn't help but roll my eyes when Peter told Neal he was going to have Jones infiltrate Flynn's counterfeit business. It was the classic TV scenario in cases like these:

--Person 1: "You're benched because you're too close/too emotional/too involved and invested in this case."
--Person 2: "No, no, you have to let me do this! I know this case better than anyone and it has to be me to do this and right this wrong!"
--Person 1: "...Fine! Just be careful and promise you won't let your emotions get in the way of this case. And I'm going to trust you, even though you always go behind my back and do what you want to do instead of what I tell you to do."
--Person 2: "You won't regret this!"

Who could have ever envisioned that something could go wrong here!? Espeically on a show like 'White Collar', where Neal pulls a stunt like this in EVERY EPISODE! Just completely shocked it turned out this way.

Sarcasm aside, this wasn't a terrible return or anything, just not what I was hoping for. Would love to know what you guys thought about the episode and where the season-long arc is heading. Do you guys like this arc or no?

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NONE (although I enjoyed Mozzie convincing Neal not to squander the opportunity to talk with his father)

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Speaking of 'Breaking Bad', kind of a blatant rip-off with the bad guys recording Neal and Mozzie  to learn the process of making the fake whiskey and making those two expendable.

--If you're a cop and going to steal some money from a bust, make sure NO ONE IS AROUND for crying out loud.

--High-stakes Candyland? Make it Stratego and I'm in.

--Whenever people talk about wine tasting or whatnot, it's like a foreign language to me. To me, alcohol either tastes good or it doesn't. Yeah, my pallet isn't very sophisticated.

--I also didn't think Neal getting a hangover was possible.

--So cute, Neal went from calling him "James" throughout the episode to "My father". A real breakthrough!

--Glad it wasn't Mozzie who lost his eyebrows because of that oven.

THE GRADE: C-

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Review - CASTLE 5.12: 'Death Gone Crazy'

I'm not going to waste your time, nor mine. This episode wasn't very good, all that funny, or one that we'll remember anything about two weeks from now.

When 'Castle' strays from its quirky/fun type of episodes, it's usually a miss in my opinion. This was one of those times. I can't emphasize those last two sentences enough. The case-of-the-week, while interesting-ish, was so insanely obvious from the get-go.

We knew minutes into 'Death Gone Crazy' that Beau was trying to get serious and "legitimate" with his life and was about to get rid of the company. This immediately guaranteed that the murderer was his business partner. It's ALWAYS the business associate in a case like this. So it was completely obvious that Beau was not trying to blackmail anyone, because he was not happy with the guy that he was and looking to make a change.

Shame on you if that red herring fooled you even for a second.

Last thing: I know figuring out what to do with characters once they are in college is a common TV problem, but I was hoping for some better material for Molly C. Quinn. She's never been a hugely integral part of the show per-se, but it would be nice to see her included more and given other things to do than yet another iteration of: "I'm in college now, I need to be more on my own."

She's a nice part of the show and I just want to see her utilized more and in better ways.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--ESPOSITO: "Dude, how's the in-breast-igation going?"
--RYAN: "And that's why you're still single."

--ESPOSITO: "Someone that sexy going to prison? That in itself is a crime."

--CASTLE: "Rampant speculation is my specialty."

--ESPOSITO: "She broke a guy's nose, you know she's gotta be freaky."

--RYAN: "I never thought I'd say this after graduating from the sixth grade, but our bra research is in."

--RYAN: "Sorry we had to cock-block you."


RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Beau is such a sleazy name. Don't name your kid that.

--'College Guys Gone Nuts'? I wish I could un-see that.

--Do college freshmen talk so calmly and eloquently with their parent(s) when they have an argument/disagreement? I think not.

--Don't make a sex tape unless your last name ends in 'ardashian'.

--Ah, how cute. Beckett smiled at the end, realizing how great of a father Castle is. Sorry, 'Castle' writers, that's not gonna make up for the ridiculousness in episode 5.10 that Beckett will "never really know" Castle.

THE GRADE: D+

I don't like giving numerical scores. I should have switched to letter grades a long time ago. Of course, this is probably gonna be a mute moot point, because I have a weird feeling HGF is going to quell this rebellion.

The only thing saving this from being an 'F' is Esposito's infatuation/creepiness with the corporate spy.

 

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Guest Review - ARCHER 4.01: 'Fugue and Riffs'

Shawn Mahone returns with another ARCHER review. I continue to appreciate his efforts by not "hiring" him as a staff writer. Why? Because I don't make sense. Like Chewbacca. --HGF

So we are all back for the adventures  of the spy whore who loves to live in the DANGER ZONE! Do not be ashamed people, it is no sin to love a cartoon character who says and does what we all wish we could say and do 95 % of the time while banging the shit out of a hot chick or dude (readers choice..no judgement here!).

So we start by ARCHER one of the greatest things they could ever, ever, ever do! Do a scene as Archer being Bob from Bob's Burgers (because we all know Archer voice actor Jon H Benjamin voices Bob as well) and saying everything that Archer says and does that Bob would never do, lol. Like saying how it is a shitty job and how he basically only know 2 of the 3 kids names and how they have to do all the cleaning up because the health inspector is coming...Archer you son of a bitch...never change! So why are the Russians coming for Archer and why has he been Bob for the last 2 months? lets find out after the jump! (I have no fucking idea what that means but hey Sepinwall does it so whatever)

So we go to the ISIS offices to find out what the rest of the gang has been doing since we last saw them. They fill us in on why Archer is Bob (he has Retrograde Amnesia for some reason) and that they are looking for him and have caught up with him because they spoke to his wife (cue all the shock and awe from the worlds most worst mom! lol.) Linda and realise he is a spa. Now although Krieger details out how Archer needs to be wooed back into who he really is and that a bang to the head with a frying pan will not do the job we just know that it will only take a bang to the fucking head by a frying pan because hey this is tv and has to be Chekov's frying pan...YOU GOT IT! Because I swear I will strip down and show you all the guns and knives I have attached to my body! and drink a shitload of Vodka and eat a fuckload of gummy bears! Great stuff!

So we get to the spa where Archer is relaxing. The show does a lot of lifting to remind us who these people are: Pam loves drugs, Mallory is a crazy bitch ass, self absorbed psychopath who has this weird relationship with her son, Cheryll is the rich and incredibly weird Tunt (phrasing! come again? seriously nobody?), Cyril is still Cyril (the worlds worst secret agent) and Krieger is the most wonderful character out there (oh Goatlee or Piglee)...hehehehe.

Lana approaches Archer and tries to play him and the team try and act as the KGB in order to knock Archer back into himself...the real KGB turns up and we get into a cool fight sequence and all shit breaks loose. Lana hits Archer with a Frying pan and what do you know he is back baby! we get a classic reminder of who archer is in the way he says Lana and berates her and also how he makes a lacross stick out of a broom and ice shovel and starts lobbying Molotov cocktails at the Russians (some nice subtle work done there).

The good guys wins and we finally learn what made Archer have a mental break, Mallory married a Cadillac dealer named Ron Cadillac and Archer just lost his shit and stole the limo (I love how the driver says he does not understand the core concept!). We also learned that Barry is the reason the KGB were able to track Archer!

So a fantastic return for out group of heroes that most people on the street would hate. I just loved how much fun the show had in getting all the characters to do and say things that we all love about them. The glee on Pams face when she screamed "Phrasing, boom first person to get there" was just so awesome! I loved how every Archerisms was put out there...Phrasing, Danger Zone, Core Concept, etc! I loved the serialisation that they did not forget about Barry and I loved that they reminded us of the weird relationship that mallory has with her son. I loved how Ron can just turn up in the end and everybody knows him and it is no big deal that he part of the group! A lot of shows are made to walk back a lot of the shit they did in a season finale in the premiere (Like Chuck quitting the CIA and blowing up the Buymore and they walk everything back in 4.01), not ARCHER. ARCHER made it a fun episode that flowed seamlessly from once scene to the next and set up what the season will be about, did he Barry, yes he did Barry!

If I had to give a grade and I will because I just love the fuck out of this show ! (But do not worry I will call them out on their shit!) Then I will give them:

95 Out of 100

For a season premiere this did not drag and they did a nice job of trying to get new viewers in while rewarding existing fans. They got a 1.0 in the key demo which is good for this show, well done!

-- Shawn Mahone

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The Aviator Aviators

When the world is on fire and you need someone to save your ass you call these guys.

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Furycast 63 - FOX is Not a Real Network

Jess and Magnus discuss CHUCK (way too much), NEW GIRL, HAPPY ENDINGS, PARKS AND RECREATION, ARCHER, plus some other stuff... like how FOX is not a real network... ummm... Viggo Mortensen... what else? Racism in the industry... look, it is an hour long. It is bound to cover a lot of stuff that I can't remember. Just let it be people! Let it be!

WARNING: this is essentially an unedited podcast. Only 12 seconds at the beginning and 10 at the end were cut out. So if we relieve ourselves or drink water or stop talking for a minute... it is all there. ENJOY!

This is either autoplaying right now or you need to press play. Choose wisely.



You can also DOWNLOAD THE MP3 VERSION by right clicking that link and then saving the file to your hard drive so that you can do with it as you wish. I don't want to know. Just do it. In the privacy of your own home.

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Hill Billy - A Story of Love

The greatest video ever made? You decide.

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Review - SUITS 2.11: 'Blind-Sided'

I have way too many thoughts running through my mind about Thursday's return of 'Suits' to put them coherently into sentences that form paragraphs.

So I will stray a bit from my usual form of review and make this a bit easier for myself...

THINGS I LIKED:

--Harvey going off on Mike, demanding that he get his shit together. (It's about damn time this happened.)

--Louis getting bullied by both Sheila (sexually) and the young Harvard law candidate (professionally).

--Delving into Harvey's personal life, which doesn't happen often. Will be interesting to see how he reacts to kinda/sorta getting heartbroken by Zoe. (Although in real life he's doing just fine, considering he's married to the actress that plays Zoe -- Jacinda Barrett.)

--The drama that is about to start between Harvey and Louis, considering Louis was prohibited from hiring a first-year and Harvey just hired someone. Anytime those two are at odds, it makes for fun television.

 --Cute scene between Harvey and the little girl. (It's cliche that being good around children will result in the guy getting the woman, but still fun dialogue regardless)

 --The case-of-the-week was good, provided some drama and was a nice change-of-pace from the usual corporate crap. I've always wished that they would delve into criminal cases more often.

THINGS I DON'T LIKE:

--Getting sick of Mike doing stupid shit and getting away with it time and time again. He's a good lawyer sometimes and helps Harvey out sometimes, but not good enough that he wouldn't have been fired about 20 times by now.

-- So done with the Rachel-Mike will-they/won't-they relationship. It's on. It's off. They kiss. It's off. It's about to be back on, but she sees him with another woman. ENOUGH. And by the looks of that scene in the file room, these two are more fun when they are at odds and fighting. THAT was entertaining. If they go back to him trying to win her back in the next episode or so, I am not going to be too happy.

--I've seen the 'leveraging a better job with a plea deal' from a smarmy lawyer storyline in countless TV shows already. Didn't need to see it again here.

--Mike flipping on the kid, saying: "You've been given a gift you don't deserve."  Oh, really, Mike, and you deserve to be a fake lawyer?

--Tess leaving. Not only am I bummed to see her go (because she's hot), but also nervous this is going to lead us back into the Mike-Rachel crap.

NOT SURE THAT I LIKE OR HATE:

--The young Harvard lawyer that Louis tries to hire could stir up trouble -- potentially exposing Mike's secret. We've seen this storyline already with Trevor telling Jessica. Not sure we need to see it again. This might already be the end of it (with Jessica squashing the hire), but we shall see.

 --I'm so done with the Fifty Shades of Grey shit. It's been done by every show in the world already, so it's beyond played out at this point. I did enjoy the banter at the lunch table between the Louis and Sheila, but I didn't need to hear: "I'm gonna close the shit out of her, and then you're gonna close the shit out of me." GROSS.

--Mike confronting the lawyer, regarding the accident that killed his parents. I enjoyed the emotion of that scene, but just something about that scene didn't really sit well with me. I really don't know what it was.


QUOTES OF NOTE:

--DONNA (to Harvey): "I wanted to be in a position of power when I toyed with you."

--RACHEL (to Mike): "Let me ask you this: did she know that six hours before you screwed her, you tried to screw me?"

--HARVEY (to Mike): "I think you missed your calling as a fake cop."

--RACHEL (to Mike): "I am not the goodie-goodie that you think I am, you have no idea what you passed on."

--LOUIS (to Sheila): "Punctuality is the best aphrodisiac."

--SHEILA (to Louis): "Your sexual prowess isn't gonna get you out of this."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--When Mike said: "You're gonna be home in time for dinner", that's a guarantee that the case would take a turn for the worse.

THE SCORE: 64 out of 100

Would love to know what you all thought about the episode. What specific parts about my review did you agree and/or disagree with?

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Review - FRINGE Series Finale

"You don't know how lucky you are that this room doesn't have ventilation."

The FRINGE writers, having taken a 2-year break from making an effort, actually delivered a somewhat emotionally satisfying end to an episode. Bravo.

A series finale shouldn't be about giving answers. If you haven't given all the necessary answers by the finale, the end isn't the time. Those answers are bound to be unsatisfying anyway. So just go for emotional payoffs for the characters. And in that regard, these final two episodes (roughly 90 minutes) did that, to a point.

However, it didn't save a series that started taking a dive early in season 4 and made serious errors in season 5 --like killing off the most interesting character, Etta, only so we could meet her younger version at the end via a ridiculously predictable and paradoxically stupid series of events.

So I am not going to take this opportunity to deliver one final shot at the FRINGE writers or their raping of good story telling, or for flushing the greatness of this show down the toilet after its third season. Instead I will take like five shots:

Imagine how awesome the finale could have been had it not been for the complete ineptitude of the showrunner(s) to construct a storyline that wouldn't completely nullify the entirety of the series. That's just a bit dumber than wiping the memory of one of your romantic leads right at the end of the series (hi CHUCK writers!). Just because you wrote an ending doesn't mean it could have happened if we followed the logic of what preceded it.

Anyway, this is the last time I write about FRINGE. I am thankful for that.

If I had to rate these final 90 minutes, and why the hell not, I'd give them:

75 out of 100

And if I had to rate the season, I'd give it:

55 out of 100

That's being really generous.

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The 'Archer' Drinking Game!

With the fourth season of 'Archer' [redacted by site owner for sake of the future] on January 17th -- I figured what better way to celebrate [redacted] than another drinking game!
If you thought the 'Chuck' drinking game was too much to handle, you ain't seen nothin' yet, folks.

On to the rules, you alcoholics:

--DRINK if you hear any of the following common 'Archer' catchphrases: "Daaaaanger Zone", "Classic Mother", "Phrasing", "Sploosh", "Hoorayyyyy", "Obviously the Core Concept", "Wah, Wah", "Nooooope", "Yuuuuup", "Right?", "Shut Up", "Sterling Mallory Archer", "Bionic Barry", "Jeezey Pete's", "Yeah, Use That Tone".

--There are three more catchphrases that require you to drink, but they have stipulations: "Holy Shit-Snacks" (drink twice if it's followed up by "And Crackers"), "Dukes" (drink twice if it's "Double Dukes" or three times for "Triple Dukes"), and "Lana! ... Lana! ... Lana!!!!!!!! (drink twice if it's done using someone else's name instead of Lana).

--When any of the following make an appearance: Krieger's hologram girlfriend, Krieger's sketchy van, Pam's dolphin puppet, Archer's "Seamus" tattoo, a ping-pong paddle and Babboo the Ocelot (Drink twice if it pisses everywhere).

--Pam-related drinking rules: DRINK if Pam has sex with someone OR if she watches someone else have sex OR if she burps OR whenever she tries to see how many pool balls she can fit in her mouth (4 pool balls = 4 drinks).

--Archer-related drinking rules: DRINK if Archer is holding a drink OR if he mentions his time playing lacrosse OR if he talks about turtlenecks (Drink twice if he mentions "Tactleneck")  OR if he mentions his erection (Drink twice if someone else points it out) OR if he gets caught/discovered by the enemy because he was talking too loudly OR if he talks about his "situational awareness".

--Any reference to Mallory's rival, Trudy Beekman.

--Whenever someone makes fun of the size of Lana's hands ("Truck-a-saurus", "Yeti Hands", etc.).

--If someone falls for one of Archer's classic voicemail pranks.

--Anytime Mallory throws herself at someone sexually (Drink twice if it's a Duke).

--A shoot-out scene that results in everyone missing and no one getting shot.

-- Anytime Barry injures himself because of something Sterling does (Pre-Bionic version).

--When "Guest" is used as a password for something.

--Every time money from the ISIS bank accounts/401Ks is stolen or transferred.

--If Carol/Cheryl/Cristal changes her name within the same episode.

--Whenever Brett gets shot (Drink twice if somehow you don't laugh when this happens).

--Every instance that Archer and Lana argue about their past relationship.

--Anytime a character is double-fisting guns.

--Every time Cyril has sex with someone other than Lana.

--Whenever Cheryl is aroused by being dominated or physically abused.


If you're still sober-enough to comment after you try this drinking game out, I'd love to know what you all think. And if you have any fun rules that you wish to add to the list, share with the rest of the class.

Happy "Archer" watching, Happy drinking. [redacted]

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Global CHUCK Party! 26 January 2013!

On 27 January, 2012 CHUCK ended a run that lasted 91 episodes. It had millions of fans. And they must celebrate its life every year for eternity!

The plan is to commemorate this first year anniversary on the final Saturday of this month. Why then? Because it is the best time to get fans around the planet together!

We will have a viewing party online via Twitter, Facebook, MySpace (just kidding), and whatever other place you can find to spread the word, and share in the joy of CHUCK.

How does it work? Well, you load up your DVD or Blu-Ray or iTunes or some other (il)legal method and watch the episode(s) with the rest of us.

Also, the old ChuckYouTuesday podcast group (well, those still around and talking to me) will be gathering to record a viewing party where we watch an episode, record what we have to say about it, and then post it for you to enjoy! Our episode of choice is Chuck Versus the Colonel.

I am sure we will also be tweeting along with you all. Or Facebooking.

Or MySpaceing (clearly kidding, come on).

We will be using the hashtags #Chuck and #Chuckiversary on Twitter.

So...

DATE: 26 January, 2013
TIME: 4PM EST (9PM GMT) until 8PM EST (1AM GMT)
EPIS.: 1.01 (Pilot); 2.14 (Best Friend); 2.21 (Colonel); 3.14 (Honeymooners)

CLICK HERE to find out how many hours difference your area is from EST.

You do not need to watch every episode with us. This is just the plan for those of us nutty enough to watch them all. But do remember to Tweet or Facebook or MySpace (oh Justin Timberlake, what were you thinking?) the crew and actors who worked on the show and tell them whatever you want to tell them. I recommend something nice.

We can finish off the weekend by joining together on the 27th to watch episode 4.13 (Push Mix) at 8PM EST (1AM GMT) which will mark the exact date and hour of the final evening of CHUCK ever.

So, are you in? Comment below! Or just check the comments below for any more information as it becomes available.

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OMG VIDEEOZ!

Watch them or I will be forced to eat the cat.

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Review - CASTLE 5.11: 'Under the Influence'

With the first 10 episodes focusing more on Castle and Beckett's new relationship, it was a nice distraction this week to have one of the secondary characters featured in a primary role.

If you've been reading my "Castle" reviews the last two seasons, you know that the more prominent Esposito is in the episode the more I typically enjoy it. So while 'Under the Influence' wasn't hilarious or quirky, it was a solid episode of the show nonetheless.

Aside from some cliches of the cop mentoring the young troubled teen, we learned that Esposito isn't afraid to break a few rules and get his hands dirty (Do you think Javy really would have threatened that guy in the bar like he did? I don't find that far-fetched at all, it's more Ryan who is a stickler for the rules and protocol), and that he had a previous criminal record when he was younger. Although, it's possible that we knew that already and I had just forgotten.

I appreciated the break from the Castle-Beckett relationship drama and enjoyed the silly little argument they had in the beginning of the episode about the repercussions of picking a bad date movie. I think we can all relate to that argument a little bit. Less forced drama (like last week's garbage) and more silly fights is what I'm hoping for.

It took four full seasons to get these idiots together, I don't want them broken up so quickly for some contrived reason like last week's show threatened.

Nothing else to say, I'll let you guys (and by guys I mean HGF and MaryPloppins -- the only two people who ever comment on this) do the rest of the talking.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--MONSTER: "Where's the super-hot detective?"
--ESPOSITO: "Oh, you're looking at him."
 
RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--The first minute of this episode was practically IDENTICAL to the first few minutes of the 'Nashville' pilot.

--I love it when guys get busted for talking like guys before they realize ladies are present.

--Haha, loved it when Ryan ran his hand through his hair. And then Castle checking out his hair and touching it in the interrogation room.

--Police sketch artist is a such a bad-ass job. Don't know how they do it. I've always wondered how badly I would be at describing a witness to a sketch artist. They would fucking hate me.

--Apparently Joey "The Monster" watches a lot of TV, because he knows the Police playbook better than they do. No way this kid is friggin' 13. My ass.

--Wow I had NO IDEA that Esposito was gonna take the kid in. Such a total shock, you just never see that on TV. ...Wait, AND he tried to escape? Who knew!?

--It's shine now, and not bling? Man, I'm getting old.

--LOL on the bodyguard covering his junk the second time Javy entered the bar.

THE SCORE: 78 out of 100

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Furycast 62 - That Horrible Noise

Jess and Magnus discuss a whole heap of things including the CHUCK anniversary, NEW GIRL, HAPPY ENDINGS, PARKS AND RECREATION, GAME OF THRONES, FRINGE, movies, and why the Golden Globes are dumb. Plus more. Adult language used.

WARNING!!!! Jess' microphone is apparently so bad that I had to put a noise filter on the entire podcast just to help drown out the buzz emanating from it. At times it isn't as bad as other times. It may bother some more than others. I apologize for this and have all the confidence in the world that Jess won't give two shits about it and make no effort to improve her microphone issues in the future.

Autoplaying for my convenience.


You can also download this podcast by RIGHT CLICKING THIS LINK and saving it to your computer.

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OVERKILL

I have little left in life but counting the views of my Armed Assault videos....

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Review - FRINGE 5.11: 'The Boy Must Live' or how the writers think you are all f**kin' stupid

Give me a break, guys.

If there is ever a category for lamest retcon in the history of sci-fi/fantasy television shows, it should go to FRINGE.

"The boy must live" suddenly means baldboy Michael?  Because he must return to the source like Neo and then everyone will see the error of their ways and then the Observers will never exist?

Of course if the Observers never exist, then the series of events caused by them will never exist, which means when Walter takes Peter back through the portal there will be no September there to save them and so NONE OF THIS WILL HAVE HAPPENED!!!!!

But of course that's not how it will go down because they will just make it fit even if it doesn't.

The writers think you are all stupid.

And perhaps a lot of you are. Or you will just eat up anything because it is the show you love.

For you guys, why do you read reviews? Why do you read comments about the show you love? Just to read someone agreeing with you?

Anyway, what a mess. What a joke of a final season. The writers, and any critic who praises them, should be embarrassed.

If I had to rate this episode, and I don't, I'd give it:

0 out of 100

A massive turd was just deposited into the mouth of a show I once loved. Thank the gods it is over next week.

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Furycast 61 - Princess Bailey

3-years of Yvonne and Bailey

In this episode, Magnus and Bailey (aka @LittleChuckFan) discuss charity, Yvonne Strahovski, CHUCK, New York City, Golden Boy, DEXTER, and other things of interest to all people. Since Bailey is 12, this is a PG podcast.

PRESS PLAY.


You can also download this episode by right-clicking this link and saving the file to your computer.

Zac and Bailey's Lion King Moment - CHUCK TweetUp 2010

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Review - CASTLE 5.10: 'Significant Others'

It's great to have new episodes of our favorite TV shows back ... these past three weeks have been rough.

On the bright side, it kept me from having to write reviews of 'Castle' when I have absolutely nothing to say that I haven't talked about previously.

Today is one of those instances. I'm glad 'Castle' is back, and I will continue to watch and enjoy it, but I'm looking forward to more substantial episodes -- the ones involving the identity of Castle's father or the conspiracy surrounding Beckett's mother's murder and Senator Bracken.

I'm absolutely on board with Castle and Beckett being together, but their little quarrels really don't interest me all that much at this point.

Overall, I'd say that this show does a pretty good job with its cases-of-the-week, but if you watch as much TV as I do, you have seen every variation of everything. So (quite often) every twist and turn I either see coming or have already seen before. And this isn't because I'm particularly intelligent, it's just because I'm a loser and watch more television than any person ever should.

A solid episode of a show that we like: nothing special, nothing to complain about.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--BECKETT: "Troublesome ex-wife? Imagine that."

--CASTLE: "It's the bachelor meets Homeland."


RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Nice to see someone playing a dead person at the beginning of the episode get to do some real acting. Sure, it was only a video text message, but that's more than 99% of dead bodies get to do on TV.

--I'm not saying this just because of the hair color, but damn, Meredith looks a lot like Alexis. So spot-on, in fact, that they simply must be mother-daughter in real life. (Even though I know they aren't)

--The two biggest free-loaders on TV: 2. Castle's Mom. 1. Alan Harper on 'Two and a Half Men'.

THE SCORE: 73 out of 100

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FOB Die Hard

War! It's faaaaaaantastic!

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