All your fake sweetness and religion is just a veil covering up a horrible monster! --Jeff
Annie destroys the most important thing of value to Abed and Shirley teaches Jeff how to play Foosball. More after I fill this cup.
Let me just put this right up front, I have never given an episode a 100 out of 100 and have sworn up and down I never would. Tune in next week to find out if I did!
Or, just read the bottom of this article to find out.
Abed gets a limited edition super deluxe Christian Bale signed, special commentary version of DARK KNIGHT and Annie, being the clean-freak that she is, accidentally steps on it while dusting the TV. Meanwhile, Jeff takes on a bunch of European-or-something foosball players who are loud and annoying, and finds a mentor and tormentor in Shirley.
By the way, are those WHITNEY promos as annoying and look as stupid to everyone else as they do to me? Also, did I mention this is the second to last episode before the show goes on the bench? Maybe never to return again! Sigh. Well, it will be back and get picked up for a fourth season. I'm calling it! Though, they better not do anything stupid like fire Dan Harmon (I hear he's a little difficult with the executives... shhh, ninja info!).
So, Annie breaks Abed's DVD and Troy knows it. She tries to figure out a way to cover it up, including recording a fake commentary (trying to do a Christian Bale as Batman voice, funny stuff). When Abed and Troy come home later that day, with Abed talking about all the ways they are going to enjoy the DVD that evening, Troy is more than a little uneasy. But when they open the door, Annie has tossed the place to make it look like they've been robbed.
MISTAKE.
Abed goes full-on Batman, suit and all, dissects the situation, and determines that the thief must have been their landlord. He rappels out of the window with Annie and a hysterical Troy not far behind.
Meanwhile, as Shirley and Jeff bond about foosball, we learn that the two had an unfortunate run-in as kids that changed both their lives. Jeff peed himself and Shirley was shunned.
Moral of the story, don't break your friend's prized possession and then lie about it. And don't gloat when you win and then make a little boy pee himself.
Alright, enough of this recap bullshit. QUOTABLES is so much more fun... and work for me:
As the gang hangs out in the college lounge area thingy.
Abed: Troy and I will be having a very special Saturday night as in DARK KNIGHT!
Troy: It came! A limited edition $299 DARK KNIGHT DVD with bonus footage, special commentary, and a Christian Bale autograph including a personalized message of up to four words!
Annie: (reading the cover) 'Abed is Batman now, Christian Bale.'
Abed: It's official.
Troy: From the man himself!
As the European (maybe German?) dudes play foosball loudly nearby, Jeff goes into action.
Jeff: I can't take it anymore!
Shirley: Oh, Jeffrey, let 'em be!
Jeff: (addressing the Europeans) Gentlemen. My name is Clarence Thaddeus Foos, my grandfather, Fletcher Morton Foos, invented this game for one purpose. To have the loudest, dumbest thing happen. Now it has. The game of foosball is completed. You're free to return to your undoubtedly hearing impaired families.
After Shirley agrees to help Jeff become a better foosball player, she prays.
Shirley: Dear lord, please forgive me. And please have mercy on him.
Leonard: The stakes have never been higher.
Shirley: Shut-up, Leonard! I found your YouTube page! What's the point in reviewing frozen pizza?!
Leonard: You're talking about it.
Shirley: Oh that is true.
As Shirley and Jeff begin the training.
Shirley: Now, Jeffrey, the key to any foosball is to tap into your darkness. So I need you to promise you won't judge the side of me that might come out.
Jeff: Shirley, I'm gonna be perfectly blunt with you. The few times that you've been a little bad, are the times I've liked you most.
Shirley: (happily) Really?!
Jeff: Remember making fun of Britta's boyfriend's tiny nipples?
Shirley: (happily) Oh yeah they were tiny!
Jeff: Remember what you did to Pierce's hoagie? That was so disturbing, I almost proposed on the spot!
The cops are called to investigate the fake robbery at Abed, Troy, and Annie's place.
Copper: Sorry we couldn't get a car over here until now. Our captain was killed on duty last night.
Annie the faker: My god. I'm so sorry.
Copper: Yeah, good man. Leaves behind two kids and a pregnant wife. So, you're missing a Batman DVD?
Abed: My DARK KNIGHT extended extended cut. It wasn't insured.
After the cop leaves, Abed begins to put things together.
Abed: Something doesn't add up. If there was no forced entry, it had to be an inside job.
Annie: We don't know that.
Abed: And instead of taking cash, pharmaceuticals, laptops, they take what? My Batman DVD and one piece of oddly ornate Hebrew themed jewelry?
Annie: Nanna gave it.
Abed: It's smoke. A ruse. A lie.
Annie: Mmmm?!
Abed: I think I know what happened here?
Annie: (nearly in tears) Abed..
Abed: The landlord did it! It all makes sense. Rick has keys to every apartment. Means. He knows when we are coming and going. Opportunity. And he was dressed as the Joker for Halloween. Motive!
Annie: Mmmm.
Abed: Something's gotta be done (leaves the room).
Troy: Oh, let's not leap to thing-doing! Right, Annie?
Annie: OhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhIIIIIIIIIIwwwwuuuhhhhhh!
When the Europeans confront Jeff and Shirley at the foosball table, a challenge is made.
Shirley: The losers never get to use this table again.
Euro Dude #1: Oh, you are so on that things have now become very much like Donkey Kunk.
Jeff: We're gonna kick das butt.
Shirley: Nice!
Jeff: Thank you.
Euro Dude #1: Enough teutonic punnery! Monday morning, you get this.
Euro #1 gives Euro #2 a soccer ball, then puts his arms around the shoulders of Euro #2 and #3, then swings himself forward like a foosball player. Euro #2 then drops the soccer ball in front of the swing and the ball is kicked at Jeff, who ducks.
Jeff: Were you guys walking around with a soccer ball just so you could do that?! (the Europeans leave) They left the ball and everything. I think they were literally walking around with it like a prop to use. It's like a $25 bit and it's not even that good!
When Abed begins his descent into the abyss that is Batman, and crawling out the window, Annie confesses the truth but Abed is having none of it.
Abed Batman: (in Christian Bale Batman voice) If that were true, you would have come forward a long time ago. You're lying to keep me out of danger. But there can be no peace while crime spits and dances on the grave of justice, to the hot beats and infectious rhythms of all that is wrong.
After Abed Batman climbs out of the window, Annie is concerned.
Annie: Troy! What're we gonna do?
Troy: (screaming hysterically) Now you're open to input?!
Annie: I'm following him! (climbs out the window)
Troy: (following her) You moving in here was supposed to tone us down!
If I had to rate it, I would give it:
93.439 out of 100
The Jeff and Shirley interaction was different and fun and the anime sequence during training was so unexpected I nearly jumped out of my seat with excitement at the coolness (and I don't even like that shit). Yvette Nicole Brown needs to be given more to do! The lady needs an Emmy!
Though the shining star of the episode was Abed, specifically Abed as Batman. Sure, it isn't even unique these days to have a Batman impression, but when Abed becomes Batman there is something terrifically fun about his transformation. In fact, any Abed transformation is a lot of fun because of the stark contrast to his usual behavior. Also, Annie's attempt to not just live the lie but to allow it to get so out of control was one of those teachable moments. The girl who cried wolf, until Batman nearly fell out of her window. All in all, a fun episode that may not rank higher than the show's best, but is definitely high up on the list. One negative was the lack of Britta, and Pierce for that matter. Sure, they were in the episode but barely. Though, Britta's opening scene with the cell phone, or whatever that was, did make me laugh.
So, what did you think? Tell us in the comments below.
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