COMMUNITY 3.10: Regional Holiday Music

"Merry Christmas, everyone. Glee club just became history club." -- Jeff Winger

The show's Christmas episode is also its last for a while, as NBC has placed it on the bench for the foreseeable future as it tries to restructure its Thursday lineup. The show will return eventually, as it is going to film its full 22 episode season, and I wouldn't be shocked to see it picked up for another season since Sony will practically give the show away for free to NBC just to make syndication numbers.

The episode begins with Jeff helping to dissolve the school's glee club via ASCAP's legal intervention due to copyright infringement. That forces the club's instructor to try to get the study group to fill in as replacements. What follows is a manic episode that goes to crazy town, filled with wild singing and sluttery.

First of all, let me just cite my source for the song titles in this review. I got them from Alan Sepinwall, at this link (his review is much better than mine).

Second, the story is essentially secondary to the musical numbers, even though each one is brought about by the narrative element, which is essentially that every one of the study group members is somehow put under the spell of glee club. I suspect the instructor was slipping them all Ecstasy but what do I know. Here are the musical numbers as they appeared.

Songs Performed
"Glee," by Abed and Mr. Rad
This one threw me off at first. Then I really got into it. Confession... I love comedic musical stuff, like anything by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and this number filled that need well. And unlike all those horrid songs on that awful show GLEE (sorry, Ali Adler, I still love you), this one is awesome and short, and original.

"Jahovah's Secret Witness" by Abed and Troy
Only COMMUNITY can pull this kind of thing off and not make it suuuuuuuuck like MISFITS season 3. Troy and Abed's rap about becoming a secret Christmas assassin is like the best YouTube video ever with autotune. Goddamn this show is too good for mankind. We don't deserve this level of awesomeness. CANCEL IT! WE ARE NOT WORTHY!

"Baby Boomer Santa" by Troy, Abed, and Pierce
Abed and Troy ambush the study group with a glee number and Pierce gets sucked in by their multi-generation spanning number. It's pretty nuts. You should be watching the episode instead of reading this bullshit review.

"Teach Me How To Understand Christmas" by Annie
Daddy likes! Me just male. Me should know dis totally wrong. Me weak. No resist. Give in to bad Santa's little helper girl who no smart. Annie writhes around the floor and everything else like a naughty Betty Boop trying to manipulate Jeff into turning to the dark side. He tries to resist but like me, he fills a nearby cup with a sampling from another album... or something. Boobies!

"Happy Birthday Jesus" by the children's choir and Shirley
Pierce brings cute little kids to sing about Jesus and of course Shirley can't resist and joins them. Shirley is one of those characters who can sometimes easily fall into the background but when given time to play, like last week, truly shines and when she finally belts out her tune (is that really the actor's voice?) it is the best performance of the episode. Britta is horrified!

"Planet Christmas" by the gang
The highlight of this performance is that Britta comes in and ruins the entire thing with her awful vocals and total ignorance of the lyrics. To me, this is the best moment of the episode. Britta is just so totally unaware of her lack of talent that she destroys all that the glee club instructor, and apparent murderer, has worked so hard to create.

Quotables

Annie: And don't bother this year, I'll be at the movies with my bubby [sounds like 'booby'].
Troy: (confused) You're not taking both of them?
Annie: (sad) Well, one's dead.
Troy: What?!

Dean: And to think, they were this close (holds thumb and index finger slightly apart) to regionals.
Pierce: What the hell are regionals?
Dean: They're this close, Pierce!

Mr. Rad: (singing) Glee! It's like a drug that you use that turns pain into shoes and your shoes into dance!

Annie: Hey guys. Rapping?
Abed: Yep. Wanna join us?
Annie: Totally! Wait. You guys never let me rap with you.
Troy: Well, we're gonna need all hands on deck if we're gonna go to regionals.
Annie: (suspiciously) Cool. I just need to.. study.. though, in my room. So, have fun!

Troy: (effeminately) Look guys, I hear your negativity but also can I counter with this? Who hates glee? Listen to how that sounds. Glee literally means 'glee.'

Troy and Abed: (singing) Baby boomer Santa, thank you for MTV!

Annie: (singing in a baby voice) You smarty! Me dumb! Help pretty, have fun! Booby dooby doob boob, sex!
Jeff: Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexyness.
Annie: (in baby voice) What's a diminyiwahnyawahhhh?

Mr. Rad: (freaking out) This show is supposed to be gleeful! And bright! And fun! And you can let me do that or there can be another bus crash!
The audience gasps.
Mr. Rad: Well, figuratively. (laughing) I'm not saying 'I killed the last glee club!' I'm saying, you not listening to me is like metaphorically cutting the brake lines on your own.. (pointing behind the audience) look Kings of Leon.
Mr. Rad runs away.
Jeff: What did he say? Did Mr. Rad kill the last glee club?
Dean: And to think I trusted him enough to captain a magic carpet in that dream I had last night.

Jeff: It's been a dark semester. I basically killed a guy. And I kind of attacked you guys with a fire ax. Thinking about seeing a new shrink.
Britta: What?!
Jeff: Don't.

If I had to rate this one I'd give it:

92 out of 100

One of the most unique episodes, in a season of unique episodes. COMMUNITY continues to prove the early season naysayers wrong by killing it every week. Those who feel the need to shit on a show as it enters the third season just because they have run out of stamina to enjoy genius can go fuck off and die someplace cold and dark. I am having a blast. When this show returns sometime in the next few months, after that abortionfest WHITNEY and its fuckbuddy CHELSEA bomb, COMMUNITY will ride in on its steed of greatness to set fire to the land of predictable shit that belongs on CBS where talent goes to sell itself into prostitution.

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COMMUNITY 3.07: Studies in Modern Movement

The latest episode of this totally underrated, undervalued, under-watched show, surrounds the packing and moving of Annie and her boobs from the awful place she has been living in, to Troy and Abed's apartment-of-different-timelines.

As Britta and Annie pack, we are reminded of just how scummy the area Annie has been living is.

Britta: I'm so glad you're moving out of this neighborhood, Annie. Some dude peed on my car while I was parking it.
Annie: Awwww, you met Spaghetti! Yeah, I won't miss him.
Britta: Speaking of missing people, how did Jeff dodge this bullet? Of friendship?

When Britta suggests to Annie that living with Troy and Abed means she will eventually hate them, Annie is shocked.

Annie: I'll never hate Troy and Abed.
Britta: I forgot, you're 20. Don't worry, it's natural. When you become roommates with friends, the things you love about them become the things that make you want to smother them with a pillow.
Annie: But.. that's unacceptable to me.
Britta: Then, I'm lying?

Troy and Abed arrive and reveal that they are live-Tweeting Annie's move via the hashtag #AnniesMove. If you missed this little social interaction while watching the episode, you can read it back by following the number of Twitter accounts used in this episode. What are they? No clue.

Meanwhile, Jeff is faking being sick so hard that when Britta calls him to help, he has the salesgirl at the Gap pretend she is a nurse at a hospital. The effort is impressive and shows just how easily Jeff can lie convincingly and how he uses his charms/looks to get others to assist him. It's a wonder he hasn't been able to con a real diploma out of someone by now.

When next we see Annie's boobs, Troy and Abed have used up all of the duck-tape for a goof. Suddenly Annie is worried and whisks Britta out into the hallway.

Annie: OK, there may be a slight danger that I'll end up hating them.
Britta: Man-children, can't live with them, can't leave them alone with your tape.

After Annie freaks out a bit, Britta suggests the best way to deal with the problem.

Britta: What I'm saying, Annie, is that if you're gonna live with two guys like that, you've gotta learn to go limp! Loosey-goosey. Shake, it, all, out.
Annie: (emphatically nodding her head) Limp. Loosey-goosey. Okay, new Annie! Going with the flow! Loosey-goosey! Is it loosey-goosey or goosey-loosey? Is it hyphenated? You know what? Don't tell me. I don't need to know.

Annie attempts to be cool when Troy tosses a tape gun at her and it smashes into the wall, breaking an outlet.

Annie: You broke my pluggy thing. No worries. That's what the security deposit is for. Hastag that-is-all!

As the group leaves to go to Troy and Abed's apartment, Shirley expresses her worry about what it means for three young people to live together in sin.

Shirley: I've seen enough episodes of FRIENDS to know cohabitation leads to sex, drugs, and something Parade Magazine calls Schwimmer-fatigue.

Britta and Shirley clash about her judgmental ways, but when Britta goes to leave she invites Shirley to ride with her.

Shirley: Well if this is the forecast of the conversation, I will ride with somebody else!

But when Pierce creeps Shirley out, she decides to go with Britta anyway.

Back in Jeff-world, Dean Pelton runs into him and, having learned of the Annie move on Twitter, decides to blackmail a lunch date out of the encounter.

As Britta and Shirley ride together, debating the validity of religion vs. morality, Annie and the boys arrive at their apartment and Ms. Boobs has her orientation.

Abed: Okay, to reacquaint you, there's the bathroom. The kitchen. And of course, our bedroom. And if the room's-a-rocking, please come-a-knocking, because there's something probably terribly wrong.

Poor widdle Annie soon discovers, however, that her room is a space in the apartment now covered with bed sheets for privacy. This kind of surprise could have been avoided had she first checked out the place to verify what she was moving into. A lesson for all you kids thinking about moving into a place sight-unseen.

Abed: I'm not surprised you're so taken aback. This apartment is where dreams come true.
Troy: We spent our whole lives being told that blanket forts are only for special occasions like sleep-overs and when uncles die. That's a lie, Annie. You can live in a fort of blankets all day, every night.

On top of the terrifically horrible news, the boys also tell Annie that the TV is in her dwelling area, which means they will be spending an awful lot of time there. Annie tries to go limp. Things are starting to unravel in her brain.

Meanwhile part deux, the Jeff blackmail continues; Pierce is back at Annie's apartment trying to paint and about to die from asphyxiation from the fumes; and Britta and Shirley are driving a dirty hitchhiker, who claims to be Jesus, to their doom.

Back at the new hell hole, just as Annie is totally regretting the move, Troy and Abed put on a shadow-puppet show that warms her heaving mounds of milky yumyums. What follows next is the greatest musical montage ever... on a Thursday, this season! Jeff and the Dean sing Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" as Pierce slowly goes kookoo for the Coco Puffs from paint fumes, and hitchhiker messiah sings "Jesus Loves Marijuana" to Britta and Shirley. You have to see it to truly appreciate it.

But just as Annie and her jubblies are learning to appreciate the joys of living with Troy and Abed, she finds the Star Trek holo-deck room they call the Dreamatorium, which is used for absolutely no legitimate purpose whatsoever.

Annie: All day, I've been jumping through hoops to fit in, including the literal hoops you put in front of the toilet!
Troy and Abed: (whispered) Yes!
Annie: And you guys are hording this second bedroom as some kind of play room?! And making me sleep on a pile of laundry?
Troy: Hey! We worked hard on that! And it's a blanket fort.
Annie: It's an asylum for half-witted children! As the only adult in this apartment, I'm making an ultimatum. Me or this stupid Dreamatorium!
Abed: The Dreamatorium is nonnegotiable, read the lease.
Troy: Especially the part we added in crayon.
Abed: You don't wanna take this to court.
Troy: Trust us, this place can be a courtroom in the blink of an eye.

Annie decides to move back into her old apartment (don't miss the scene where Pierce tries to kiss her!) but when she returns to Troy and Abed's place to get her stuff, the boys have given up the bedroom and moved their stuff into the blanket fort (awwww).

Troy and Abed realize that they need Annie around, especially since she is an adult and they are children who don't know how to get out stains or that treating open wounds is important.

If I had to rate this one, I would give it:

89 out of 100.

It was a good message episode with some sweet and funny moments. It wasn't one of the best episodes ever but still entertaining enough that I watched it twice. In fact, I think I enjoyed it even more the second time around. It loses some points for essentially being one of the best shows on TV so my expectations every week are HUGE. I should note, I don't rate shows based on how they do against other shows. I rate based on how the episode compares to other episodes in the series. So, an average CHUCK episode might get 85 while a good COMMUNITY episode might get the same score. I just expect more from the latter.

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COMMUNITY 3.06: Advanced Gay

Following two straight epic episodes full of epic awesomeness (I feel like I just violated a rule of good writing) the COMMUNITY writers decided that milking it for one episode while high as kites from basking in the glowing glory of genius wasn't in the cards. Instead, they delivered another messed up episode full of... I PROMISE I AM NOT GOING TO SAY EPIC AGAIN.... ahh shit, epic! I couldn't help it. I'm not a trained writer.

Alright, so the truth is that this episode isn't epic. Yeah, I lied before when I said it was. That's what's so awesome about not being a real journalist. I can just say whatever I want, however I want to say it. I can even. Write fragmented sentences. No one can touch me!

Where was I?

This episode gives us a nutty Pierce story, with a Troy side story... or is it the other way around? Pierce owns Hawthorn Wipes, a company and product that the gay community loves. His dad arrives and is shockingly revealed to be a racist. Jeff kills him while giving a speech about being a dad, and gets the old man's wig as a reward. Troy has a natural gift for turning a wrench and fixing air conditioners. He is offered the job of a lifetime, literally, and turns it down because he just wants to watch TV with Abed. The episode ends with a quasi homage to DOCTOR WHO. And I'm already bored writing this and that means we go to QUOTABLES!

After a couple of gay gentlemen ask Pierce for his autograph, Jeff is puzzled.
Jeff: What was that about?
Pierce: Fans of the product, I suppose. In the wipes business we call them 'towel heads.'

When the gang finds a video online of a cross-gender musician singing about Hawthorn Wipes, Annie is excited.
Annie: Oh my god, Pierce! Your moist towelettes are a gay icon!

Pierce is deeply offended by the video.
Pierce: That is copyright infringement and defamation! I'm gonna sue the pants of that lady!
Annie: I don't think that's a lady.
Troy: And why do you want his pants off?
Pierce: Shut up! I only wanted his pants off when I thought he was a lady.
Jeff: So you were attracted to him.
Pierce: The only thing I'm attracted to is taking him to court and eating his ass alive!
Group: Oooooh!
Pierce: That's not what I meant! Stop putting gay things in my mouth!

The gang is worried about Pierce's reaction to his product becoming a gay icon.
Annie: I hope Pierce doesn't really sue that lady man singer. His life must be hard enough having to sew pouches in all his mini-skirts.
Shirley: Yes, I'm always nice to the gays. They may live in defiance of God, but I'd die before I let a woman touch my hair.

Surprisingly, Pierce arrives having embraced the new gay popularity and announces his company will launch a new product line.
Pierce: Hawthorn Pride Wipes! They may cost more but they're gayer. I'm gonna launch these little babies at a big party here at Greendale. Here's a flyer.
Shirley: (looking at the flyer) Oooh! Greendale's first annual... gay bash.
Britta: Wow, Pierce, congratulations on meeting the minimum requirements for open mindedness.
Annie: Yeah! I'm really proud of you. You're growing as a person!
Jeff: Oh, good grief! He's not supporting gay people, they're supporting him! If Mexicans were buying his wipes he would have ridden in on a donkey.
Pierce: People earning respect with money is the American way, Jeff. Not that my father would have agreed. It took a federal injunction to sell these things to the Italians.

Troy and some others are kidnapped and brought to Vice Dean Laybourne for a secret meeting at the air conditioning repair school. Laybourne explains.
Vice Dean Laybourne: But why kidnap you? Why put a sack over your head and drag you here in the middle of the night? Why is there an astronaut in the corner making paninis? Simple. We don't want you to tell anyone about this. And if you do, we don't want them believing you, isn't that right black Hitler? (black Hitler acknowledges with a wave)

When Troy is nowhere to be found, the group is worried.
Shirley: Oh no, do you think he's been kidnapped? Usually it's one of the parents and almost always ends in a murder suicide.
Annie: Why are you smiling?!

Pierce arrives with his father, Cornelius, and introduces him to the group.
Cornelius: These are you friends, Pierce? Minorities? Jewesses? And the unseasonably tanned?
Britta: That is inappropriate! And maybe you'll give that more weight since I'm whiiiiiite!
Cornelius: You've got a wide brow. What are you? Scandinavian?
Britta: Yeah! Swedish!
Cornelius: (spitting on the ground) Swedish dogs! Your blood is tainted by generations of race mixing with Laplanders! You're basically Finns!
Shirley: Oh my goodness. He's like the Abed of racism.

Jeff inquires about the wig on Cornelius' head. He tells them it is made from ivory.
Britta: I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!
Shirley: You can excuse racism?

Jeff holds the party that Pierce's dad cancelled. Troy arrives from his adventure and Abed greets him.
Abed: Hey, where'v you been?
Troy: I'm not allowed to say.
Abed: Are you Superman?
Troy: No.
Abed: Would you tell me if you were?
Troy: I'd tell everyone. I never understood why he cared who knew.

Jeff feels bad about his actions.
Jeff: Pierce, I just wanna say, you know. Sorry for killing your dad.
Pierce: Don't blame yourself. He bought a lot of his organs from questionable sources.

Pierce gives his father's eulogy.
Pierce: Father, I'll never forget what you said to me on my first day of school. 'Comb your hair, you idiot. You look Greek.' I'll never know if that was true but I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself. Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead and I'm not. So, I win. And you can suck it.

If I had to rate this episode, I would give it:

86.3 out of 100.

Following a couple of great episodes, this one doesn't measure up as well, but still has fun moments. Figure this is more of a setup episode anyway for Troy and the Vice Dean's future interactions.

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