The GeekFurious TOP 10 Episodes of CHUCK

As this lovely little show comes to an end, one must celebrate its greatness in many ways. This is just one of those ways... by defining the best of the best (so far, since, as of this writing, we are only on episode 4 of season 5)!

So while we have this time, let's punch up the list of the TEN BEST EPISODES OF CHUCK EVER! At least according to the Geek and the Furious:

10. Chuck Versus the Intersect - Season 1, episode 1: The pilot episode comes in at #10 essentially for being one of the best pilot episodes ever made! It does a great job of setting up the characters, the story, and the arcs that will play out for the next few seasons. Plus, Bryce Larkin is a super kung fu monkey in it. He will never be that nimble again.

Chuck: Working on my five-year plan, just need to choose a font.

9. Chuck Versus the Dream Job - Season 2, episode 19: This one could be anywhere on the list, really. It introduces us to Papa B. It has one of Zachary Levi's best performances in anything ever. It also features some of Sarah Lancaster's best work, not to mention Scott Bakula is AWESOME in it! So much to say, and yet I have to move on to the next one.

Chuck: Ellie was really hoping that you might be there to walk her down the aisle.
Papa B: Oh I don't think she would want me there.
Chuck: I, I mean, of course, of course she does. We both do.
Papa B: It's not a good idea. But tell her that I'm happy for her.
Chuck: Are you, are you joking? You have to do this, she's your daughter. Don't you wanna be there?
Papa B: Charles, I can't.
Chuck: I, I don't wanna hear what you can't do! I've seen what you can't do!

8. Chuck Versus the Truth - Season 1, episode 8: Written by fan-favorite Ali Adler. It has drama, comedy, family, romance, and is very memorable to boot. Plus, it was probably the episode that set the Chuck and Sarah will-they-won't-they steamroller into overdrive (though, an episode not on this list, Hard Salami, would mash the nuclear button on that little thingy).

Chuck: What?! You give me crap about lighting some candles and you come in wearing that?
Sarah: What, this? This, this is part of my cover.
Chuck: Well, it doesn't cover a thing.

7. Chuck Versus the Last Details - Season 4, episode 23: Season 4 may be the shipper favorite but it only appears once on this list. However, this is one of the funniest episodes in the series, while also featuring some pretty dramatic stuff. It's also more quotable than most of the season.

Sarah: (addressing Mama B) We're not leaving you here to get tortured, we have a wedding to get you to.
Casey: (opening the cell door) Hey! We gotta move! Let's go!
Mama B: (addressing Sarah) Sweetheart, I know the wedding is important but so is the nation's safety. If I leave now, they will move the weapon and we'll never get it!
Sarah: Mary, don't be stubborn, we're just here to extract you not finish a failed mission!
Mama B: Failed? Stubborn?
Chuck: Okay, okay, okay. Look, here's the plan. I'm gonna go with Casey to get the Norseman. Sarah, you're going to stay with mom, make sure she doesn't get tortured. Everybody good?
Mama B: I don't need backup.
Sarah: Why can't Casey stay with your mom?
Casey: Hell no! I'm going with Chuck!

6. Chuck Versus the Beard - Season 3, episode 9: Most of it happens inside the Buy More. Most of it is about Morgan finding out about the spy world. It is also the first episode directed by Zachary Levi. And it is... awesome! Morgan's reaction to finding out his buddy has been a spy all this time made my geek heart melt.

Chuck: Morgan, the truth is.. the truth is, I am a member of a joint NSA/CIA black-ops team that is stationed here in Burbank. I have a level six clearance and my code-name is Charles Carmichael. I'm a spy buddy.

Casey: What the hell's going on in here?
Big Mike: The store's being bought. They're canning everybody except Bartowski and Grimes.
Jeff: We're staging a revolution, to take down the man!
Casey: I want in!
Lester: How do we know that we can trust you, son? That you're not some kind of spy for the man?
Casey: Because the only thing I hate more than hippy neo-liberal fascists and anarchists, are the hypocrite fatcat suits they eventually grow up to become.
Lester: Yep, that works for me.

5. Chuck Versus the Lethal Weapon - Season 2, episode 16: Not only does this one feature the best challenge to the Chuck and Sarah will-they-won't-they romance, but it also pushed Chuck into standing up for himself and his love. In the end, as Cole Barker loses to Bartowski, and Chuck then defines his intentions to the woman he loves, we end on the knowledge that our hero has had his own agenda the whole time. Essentially, from the second Block Party's "Signs" kicks in, until the end of the episode, is the best five minutes the show has ever done. Riveting stuff.

Chuck: Sarah, I'm not gonna move in with you. Because I can't. And you know why I can't. I'm crazy about you and, and I've always been. But you know having a fake relationship, that's one thing. But living together is.. I mean every day being around each other, and, and.. and that's why I can't do it. And I hope you understand.
Sarah: I do.
Chuck: Thank you. Oh and just so you know, I am gonna get this thing out of my head, one day. I will. And when I do, I'm gonna live the life that I want, with the girl that I love. Because I'm not gonna let this thing rob me of that, I won't.

4. Chuck Versus the Tic Tac - Season 3, episode 10: Casey goes bad? Chuck and Sarah go to save him. And we discover lots about the colonel we didn't know. Features some of the best scenes and sequences in the series. One could even argue this is the best Chuck and Sarah on a mission episode of the series.

General Beckman: We think this might have been an inside job. Only a handful of our people knew the Laudonal was being kept in box 092407.
Chuck: (laughing) Oh yes. I get it now. You're good. You are good, General. You guys, you are good. Very good. This is a test, right?
Casey: Bartowski.
Chuck: First it was the solo mission on the plane. Then turning an assett. Now this time it's (dramatically) 'Chuck will you betray your country or will you turn in your friend and partner, John Casey, for stealing the pill?' I'll play ball. Okay. (pointing at Casey) Guilty. He did it.
General Beckman: (very serious) Are you positive you saw Colonel Casey take the pill, Mr. Bartowski?
Chuck: (happily) Yeah! (realizing something is up) No? No, no I would, I would, I would actually not use the word positive. It was very poorly lit in that, ummm. I'm, I'm wrong half the time, so.
General Beckman: Colonel Casey, would you care to respond?
Casey says nothing. Sarah reaches for her gun.
Chuck: Whoa, whoa, woah, woah, woah. Hang on a second. Let's just all take a breath here, okay? John Casey is one of the most loyal spies out there. He would never do anything to jeopardize the CIA. Casey, tell 'em!
Casey: With all due respect, General. I will excercise my right to remain silent under the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution.
Chuck: What're you doing?
General Beckman: Agent Walker, please relieve the Colonel of his weapon.
Sarah: (pointing her weapon at Casey, looking determined but confused) John, you wanna tell me what's going on?

3. Chuck Versus the Break-Up - Season 2, episode 3: If season 1 had the Chuck and Sarah steamroller and the nuclear button, this was the episode that blew up the brains of shippers everywhere. It also brought back Bryce Larkin who was either Chuck's best friend or worst enemy. It's still up for debate. Lots of crazy fun stuff happens and it all culminates with a classic speech from Chuck to a Sarah who is getting too close to her asset.

Chuck: Look, we both know how I feel about you so I'm just gonna shoot straight. Sarah, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. You're beautiful, you're smart, you laugh at all of my stupid jokes and you have this horrible habit of constantly saving my life. The truth is, you're everything that I thought I ever wanted and more. And for the last few days all I can think about is our future together. About what, what it's going to be like once I finally get the Intersect out of my head. How we'll finally be together for real. No fake relationships, no covers, no lies. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that you and I can never have a future together. I fooled myself into thinking that we could but the truth is we can't. Because even if we had a real relationship it would never really be real. I'd still never know anything about you. Your real name, your home town, your first love, anything. And I want more than that. I wanna be able to call you at the end of a bad day and tell you about some funny thing that Morgan did and not find out that I can't because you're off somewhere in Paraguay quelling a revolution with a fork. I'm a normal guy who wants a normal life. And as amazing as you are, Sarah Walker, we both know that you will never be normal.
Sarah: You know, some day, when the Intersect is out of your head and you have the life that you always wanted, you'll forget all about me.
Chuck: I seriously doubt that.

2. Chuck Versus the Honeymooners - Season 3, episode 14: The episode that wasn't supposed to happen. The show was a lock to be cancelled after 13 but NBC had so many other problems that they ordered more and what followed is easily one of the best. Sarah being cute and funny? Check! Chuck speaking French and Texan? Check! Casey and Morgan having to work together to find the two love birds? Yup. And everything coming together with our two leads having to fight a room full of bad guys handcuffed together? You know it! And if that wasn't enough, how about we end it on the most perfect note? Done. Sure, this may not be as well written as some of the episodes, and the spy story isn't all that interesting, but it is one of those episodes that ranks high for being so emotionally satisfying from beginning to end. A blast to watch over and over and over.

Chuck and Sarah have both been secretly spying after telling each other they wouldn't.
Sarah: You know, Chuck, I can't fake this. Not with you.
Chuck: (jumping up in bed) What?! You've been faking it the whole time?!
Sarah: No, no, no, not that. I spotted a Basque terrorist on board, Juan...
Chuck: (finishing her sentence) Diego Arnaldo, I know, I flashed on him. He has a whole list of names in his room.
Sarah: Yeah. All of his contacts from the Euskadi Ta Askatasuna!
Chuck: Oh my god. You even make terrorist groups sound sexy.
Sarah: So you were the one I was hiding from.
Chuck: You were the one in the bathroom? You know, Juan Diego Arnaldo is a terrorist, after all, it would be irresponsible..
Sarah: (finishing his sentence) Even criminal to turn our backs on him.
Chuck: One last mission before we quit?
Sarah: One last mission.

1. Chuck Versus the Colonel - Season 2, episode 21: If nirvana was ever achieved on CHUCK its name is Colonel. Chuck and Sarah are on the run and have to shack up in a no-tell-motel and have to share a bed. When they wake up, they are snuggling. Do they stop? Nope. They attack each other like crazed ANIMALS! Oh and Papa B being held by Fulcrum; Casey seemingly working against Chuck and Sarah but really just moody about not being included in their plan; Captain Awesome and John Casey fighting; Awesome discovering the truth about Chuck, then having a terrible time keeping it a secret; Chuck's first de-Intersecting; the near annihilation of Fulcrum, and so on and so on and so on. This is the best episode ever made!

Chuck: (speaking very quickly) Devon, I am a high level CIA asset and these are my handlers. For the past two-years they've had to watch and protect my every move.
Sarah: Chuck! No!
Chuck: He can handle it! You can handle this right? Tell me you can handle this.
Awesome: You're being serious? He's being serious?!
Chuck: Devon, I need you to help me. I need you to be cool about this. I need you to cover for me with Ellie. I need you to be awesome. Can you be awesome?
Awesome: You're a spy, Chuck?
Chuck: Yeah, more or less, yeah.
Awesome: (taking it all in) Woah. Wow! This is.. awesome! Yeah! (they high-five) I knew you weren't a loser who worked at the Buy More!
Chuck: Loser's a little, that's a little harsh. Okay, here, here's the thing, the Buy More actually is real. But here's the most important thing and I need you to do this for me right now. I need you to go home and handle Ellie. That is your mission. Can you do that?
Awesome: I got your back, bro. (salutes)
Chuck: Right. Right. (salutes back)
Awesome: Spy!
Chuck: Keep that on the DL.

Honorable Mentions: Wookiee, Salami, Seduction, Cougars, DeLorean, Santa Claus, Suburbs, Operation Awesome, Living Dead, Subway, Phase Three, Seduction Impossible, and Frosted Tips.

So what do you think are the top 10 episodes of the series. Obviously this list isn't the end-all, be-all, final word on the matter. Surely some crazy shipper list would include nothing but terrible episodes where Chuck and Sarah kissed or held hands while the writing, acting, and story sucked hardcore. Also, once season 5 ends, this list may change. But it is what it is, for now.

Anonymous commenting, as always, is available if you can't be bothered to identify yourself.

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CHUCK Vs. the Business Trip - 5.04: Stay at Home, Woman

In this latest episode of CHUCK we discovered that strong women just want to have babies and stay at home while their husbands save lives. Also, there are only three Indiana Jones movies. And apparently the Star Wars prequels suck. Oh and Carmichael Industries is made up of the dumbest spies ever. More after the jump?

The story goes that Morgan is the target of a Decker-ordered assassination because he is the Intersect. So, Morgan gets de-intersected, but not before catching some throwing stars. But ruhroh, the assassination order is still alive with at least one dangerous killer! So, Morgan is benched and Chuck takes his place. Chuck and Sarah go to a Buy More thingy and stuff happens.

Look, when I really don't like an episode, I don't feel very motivated to write about it, so let me just bullet point this shit.

What I liked:

• When Chuck and Sarah almost had their sexy time, Chuck said "Here we go" right before they were interrupted. Best delivery of the entire episode and it was most likely ADR.
• Sarah looked hot.
• Casey was badass at the end.
• They actually faked us out by putting a well known actor in the episode and then not making him the obvious bad guy.
• That baby is so adorable!
• Big Mike's "pineapple" was one of the best subtle callbacks ever.

What I didn't like:

• Most of the convention scenes were trite, stiltedly written like George Lucas dialogue, with acting that felt tired at best, lazy at worst.
• This super spy team has no risk management skills. They let dumb things happen under their noses all the time. In this episode they let Morgan out of their sight right after his brain nearly fried and he went evil, so Chuck had to save him from being blowns up. Then, after they THOUGHT they had caught the assassin, who was totally inept at taking out his mostly untrained target, they let their guard down AGAIN without first putting everything on lock-down until he could be interrogated/verified. Not to mention that super spy Sarah got conned by and fell in friendsy love with the one person she was trying to find.
• Ellie deciding she had to be home with the baby while Devon, the big man, went back to work seemed totally unrealistic and tacked on just to take one of the actors out of the equation for a few episodes.
• Super aware Jeff, much funnier in the previous episode, once extended beyond a scene felt badly out of place and didn't add anything of substance, unless you count Lester going to jail for attempted murder substance. That's just dark, kids. I mean, he actually DID attempt murder. What will the writers be trying to say when he eventually gets out of it? It's OK to try to murder your friends when they change?
• Sarah needing a friend when she already has Casey, Morgan, Ellie, (Alex?) and those two chicks from the cat squad. With fair weather friends like Sarah....
• Another chauvinistic moment, when Casey took out the assassin team, even though it is also one of the coolest moments in the episode, is just another piece of evidence that the writers think Sarah is a girl who just needs a friend, a house, a man, most likely babies, and for a big strong conservative male to fight her battles for her.
• The Alex and Morgan breakup that I have been pining for since they got together, seemed totally anemic and tacked on just to take one of the actors out of the equation for a few episodes.
• When did Casey become such a Star Wars fan? Is Wookieepedia his start-up page?
• Either the writer or Zac didn't know the proper Star Wars quote is "The Force is strong WITH this one" not "the Force is strong IN this one" and that should have earned this episode a 25 out of 100.

Speaking of... if I had to rate this episode, I'd give it:

75 out of 100.

I like sappy stuff. But not when it is poorly executed. Not when it is poorly written. Not when it is just there to be there to set up something in five episodes. If this show has any history at all, it is in poor setups to sappy stuff and to story arc payoffs, though they seem to do payoffs to sappy stuff and setups to story arcs well. This episode felt like it was a fan-fic and I am sure fan-fic writers everywhere love this shit, because they love what they write, and what they write sucks, like most of this episode. And professional wrestling.

Sure, I am nitpicking some things that I probably would have let pass if the episode was executed better. But it was just too cheesy, lazy, and lame for me to ignore the gaps in logic, or general suckage. I haven't even mentioned the pacing, or the plodding through the lie detector sequence. Ugh.

This was an episode written to stroke the shippers but it missed on every beat that a great episode like Honeymooners nailed. It reminded me a lot of season 4's Muuurder, that to this day I can't think about without wanting to stab someone.

I actually think I am too generous with that score. Anyway, what did you think? Comment below.

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CHUCK Vs. the Frosted Tips - 5.03: the Intersect Problem

First of all, right click on this link and SAVE! We recorded a podcast about the last two episodes plus Chuckfest3. You should check it out when you have time... but download it now. Don't hesitate! Even if you have no plans to listen. It's not that big of a file and you will thank me later. Or curse me out. Maybe somewhere in-between.

So the third episode in the season that starts with the number five was a full-blast character funathon that reminded me why I still love this show so much. We got fun Casey and Sarah interaction; Casey and Morgan; Casey and Gertrude; Casey and Alex; pretty much Casey getting a lot to do and Adam Baldwin had a lot of fun with it.

When we last left our bunch of elite spies, we the audience had just discovered that Morgan was a traitor, having sold himself, the Intersect, to the competition. As the episode opens, we see that Sarah and Casey are on a mission of some sort and it involves Gertrude. There is some fun back and forth between Casey and Sarah, especially as Sarah tries to direct him in how to ask his mark out.

Let me just declare that Carrie-Anne Moss is great on the show. She has totally blown me away. I have never been a particular fan of anything she has done (though, that may be more about the characters than her, I don't know) but she has grabbed a hold of this part and made it her own. I totally buy into her character and how she fits into this world. Plus, Baldwin and Moss have great chemistry and I can't wait for more scenes between them.

Meanwhile, Chuck and Morgan have a secret meeting in a garage and it turns out to be General Beckman! Here we get some hilarity as Morgan greets her from the car.

General Beckman: I'm outsourcing to your team to circumvent the leak. My only condition is that no one breathes my name in relation to the mission.
Morgan: (beeping the horn and yelling) Yo, Becky! What up, baby girl?
General Beckman: (to Chuck) I told you to come alone!
Morgan: You're doing pilates, huh? You are. Don't say you're not. You are.
General Beckman: What the hell is wrong with him?!
Chuck: So many things.

The next scene has Chuck running into Alex, Morgan's once dearest love and the daughter of the man who could have snapped the bearded one in half just three episodes ago. She is upset because Morgan is no longer being the awesome boyfriend he once was and asks for Chuck's help. Mekenna Melvin is kind of adorable in this scene and I am totally falling in love. Granted, that may just be the residual Chuckfest3 splash-over where she was super adorable and I totally fell in love. Whatever the case, I'm in love and Morgan's a dick. More Mekenna, please!

Back to the spy world where Casey, having placed a hidden camera on Verbanksi, along with Chuck and Sarah spy on Gertrude's meeting where they discover that Morgan is a traitor! And when he is confronted about it, he doesn't show much remorse.

Morgan: You had the greatest weapon on the planet and you chose not to use me! That's on you!
Sarah: So you went and told Verbanski about the Intersect?
Chuck: Morgan we were just trying to protect you, that's all. Don't do this.
Morgan: It's already done. Okay, Chuck? It's too late.

When Casey tries to stop him, Morgan subtly threatens him. Casey responds by telling him that he won't let his daughter date a traitor. Morgan responds dickishly.

Morgan: Right, right, right. Your daughter. Your daughter. Sure, excuse me. Let me take care of that right now. (pulls out his cell phone) Sweet little Ali.
Casey: Alex!
Morgan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, whatever. There you go. (Morgan holds up his cell phone) A'ight?
Casey: You text message break-up with my little girl?
Morgan: Yeah. Well, I can do better.

There is also a side story in here about Captain Awesome taking care of the cutest baby actor ever! Well, it is actually about how bored he is taking care of his kid. The guy who needs constant action can't just chill with the cutest baby ever! Just want to eat her up! Numnumnumnumnumnum!

But I digress.

Chuck starts to try to figure out what is going on with Morgan and comes to the conclusion that what he needs is for something embarrassing to happen to him to snap him out of his douchery, recalling a story of a behavioral change when they were kids when Morgan first grew a mustache. There is some fun bit of dialogue here that you should probably experience while watching the episode. But the team discovers that Morgan has stolen something from them and they decide to get it back while also pulling Morgan's pants down. It's actually a great plan.

Meanwhile dos, Captain Awesome discovers that Jeff has been freebasing carbon monoxide for a very, very, very, very, very, veryveryvery long time. He corrects the problem. If you don't know, Devon is actually my favorite character so I will take any scene with him. He was a bunch of fun last episode and continues his awesome ways here. In the end, he tells Jeff to stop sleeping in his van. This should do away with my need to write about it further.

Onto the Carmichael squad, as they infiltrate Verbanski's deepest, darkest layer, in daylight. We get Casey being badass, Chuck being a hacker, and more Morgan being a dick when he discovers that his assistant hasn't gotten his coffee right.

Morgan: (spitting up his coffee) Scotty, what is this?
Scotty: A tall soy latte with two Splendas.
Morgan: Soy? Who said anything about soy? What do you want me to do, start lactating for you?!
Scotty: I'm not sure what you mean?
Morgan: I asked for almond milk! Al-mond milk!
Chuck: (watching from a remote feed) You megalomaniacal bastard.
Morgan: Okay? Please fix it!
Scotty: Yes, sir!
Morgan: (to Gertrude) This is the best that Harvard has to offer?

When Morgan is called to train a class in martial arts, Gertrude is left alone in her office, with Casey hiding inside. This leads to a pretty great sequence where Morgan beats down one Verbanski trainee after another until only a incognito Chuck is left. This is hands down the best Morgan as the Intersect scene we will ever see. I love it. This is intercut with Casey and Gertrude having a sexy little fight in her office. Meow. These two kitties sure have chemistry.

The whole sequence culminates in the confrontation between Chuck and Morgan where Bartowski actually handles himself well, at least defensively, against Morgan's Intersect. The two then have an argument where they circle each other like two caged pit-bulls. There's even a "Lord of the Rings" reference tossed in the mix. What can I say, I love this scene too. And when Morgan is ordered to stop his former team, we get some extra bit of confrontation/fun tossed into this tasty omelet.

Let's fast forward! Somewhere in there the gang decides Morgan just needs to get in touch with his inner self to break what is most likely a Decker control in the Intersect. There is a confrontation between the Verbanksi and Carmichael groups during a mission that leads into a shoot-out and a fight, then an exploding helicopter, Casey and Gertrude kissing, and Morgan returning back to what appears to be normal. This is the only thing that bothers me about the episode, the easy with which Morgan breaks the spell he has been under. I don't know why these writers feel the need to make resolutions so simple/easy. It is almost as if they think the collective IQ of the viewers is 80.

As the episode ends, Jeff arrives at the Buy More having slept without the carbon monoxide poisoning for one night, totally clear headed and looking frighteningly normal. What does this mean for poor Lester? Casey kicks Morgan out of his apartment and the bearded bandit has to stay with Chuck and Sarah. And we are told that since Morgan announced to everyone who would listen that he was the Intersect, that there is a kill order out on him. Ruhroh! Someone wants the little guy dead! Tune in next week for more!

If I had to rate this episode, I would give it:

93 out of 100.

So, what did you think?

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CHUCK Vs. the Bearded Bandit - 5.02: Kung Fu Chaos

The 80th new showing of a CHUCK episode was achieved tonight and you want to know what I thought of it. Why else would you be here?

First, let me just say that reaching 80 episodes is impressive for any show. It is especially impressive for a show that was nearly cancelled after 13, then 35, then 54, then 78 episodes. So, congratulations to everyone involved. And by everyone involved I mean the people who make the show and those who negotiated for the show's return. Not the delusional fans who think they saved it via the Internet.

Now, onto the review!

The episode opens up with Chuck, Sarah, and Casey doing a presentation at some spy conference, for Carmichael Industries. It doesn't go well. Then the competition shows up and looks like a bunch of super duper kick-ass spies! The leader of the group is Neo's girlfriend, Gertrude. She is also a former antagonist of Casey's.

Chuck: Go ahead, who is she?
Casey: One of the KGB's most ruthless spies, 'til the fall of the Soviet Union (spits). Then she went into the private security game.
Sarah: And how do you know her?
Casey: Minsk, 1995. I was being a patriot. She was being whatever she was paid to be.
Chuck: (amused) Wow, 1995. I was still in middle school. (realizes Casey is not amused)
Casey: Anyway, we had an altercation. I ended up with a Roswell blade in my shoulder. It made a nasty scar right over one of my favorite scars.

Meanwhile the Buy More, the only real source of income for Carmichael Industries, is down to tumbleweeds, literally, and Morgan just wants to out his super powers to the world like Troy would on COMMUNITY were he Superman. Suddenly, because this happens all the time in the realzies world, some dude named Karl walks into the BM and Morgan flashes, err, zooms on him. Fearing he is coming to kill them, Morgan attacks like a psychotic ninja and knocks the dude out. Soon after, they realize the "bad guy" is a client. Dundundun!

When the client produces a box as evidence of a kidnapping, no one seems eager to open it.
Chuck: We gonna draw straws to see who opens it?
Sarah finally does and reveals a severed finger.
Sarah: Oh!
Chuck: Oh my god. Oh my g.. that's not even on ice. I don't, that's probably not going to be able to be reattached.

The mission: Karl's brother was kidnapped, finger cut off to prove it, and the team must save him.
The value: $200,000 up front, and another $200,000 upon delivery of said brother.
The problem: Morgan is a loose cannon and needs a handler.
The solution: Chuck, the former Intersect, becomes Morgan's handler.

While Chuck and Morgan are having their discussion about the whole handler issue, Big Mike barges in, having just arrived from his honeymoon.
Big Mike: (pointing at Morgan) Hello, stepchild! Like my new threads? I just got back from four weeks of sexual experimentation (Morgan recoils in horror) and snorkeling with my new wife in Hawaii. Whatcha boys been up to? The Buy More seems.. empty. We observing International Pancake Day?

Secondary mission: The Buy More needs to increase business.
The solution: Record a new commercial.

Meanwhile, Verbanski Corp thumbs its nose at Carmichael Industries, pissing off Sarah.

Gertrude calls Sarah and asks her to meet with her. Upon arrival, Sarah is offered a job along with an explanation of the massiveness of the competition. Sarah acts unimpressed.
Gertrude: And what does Carmichael Industries have other than a former colonel and a CEO with skinny arms?

As their conversation ends and Sarah leaves, she pauses, looks at Gertrude's collected trophies and makes a declaration.
Sarah: Oh, by the way, when this whole thing ends, don't expect me to mount anything of yours in my office. It's just tacky.

Meanwhile take two, Chuck and Morgan just happen to be inside a convenience store while it is getting robbed. Holy chances of that happening, Batman! Morgan goes all bearded-bandit crazy, with mask, gruff voice, badass attitude and all.

When Morgan's attempt to disarm the bad guy is only partly successful, Chuck has to save the day. I had to rewind this sequence, if only for the hilarity of Chuck trying to rub the fingerprints off the shotgun. Actually, I really liked this sequence and for the first time liked Morgan as the enthusiastic Intersect trying to be handled by Chuck (that's what she said?).

When the convenience store issue becomes public, the team decides Morgan has to be put on the bench for a bit. Morgan isn't happy about it but Chuck emphasizes his need to protect him. I am a sucker for these type of scenes. It is part of why I fell in love with the show. The shift from hilarious comedy, to family drama, back to comedy, and then action. I'm in love!

Meanwhile triple time, the BM crew tries to create a commercial for the store but things just aren't going well.... until Captain Awesome walks in, exaggerated slow motion hair blast and all. And Big Mike has an idea!

Meanwhile part four, Carmichael Industries climb the side of a mountain or something to get into the compound of the bad guys. Hey, why am I typing all this stuff? You watched the episode right? I mean, why would you be reading a review for an episode you DIDN'T watch?

To sum up: Morgan is pissy about being in the van. Decides not to stay in the van. Saves the day. I am shocked yet again to actually enjoy Morgan as the Intersect in this sequence. By not showing him try to kick the asses of half a dozen trained security guards, and by injecting some humor into it, the whole thing works. I am getting worried. Am I starting to like Morgan as the Intersect? OH NO!

The team discovers Karl wants to kill his brother. They decide to turn the tables on him and protect the finger-missing bro. Casey and the Intersect clash.

Captain Awesome gets a job offer from Big Mike to do a commercial for the store (I thought Chuck was the secret owner of the BM, so why does Big Mike know?).

Captain Awesome: Sure I did some modeling for Abercrombie & Fitch back in college, but I hung up those cargo pants a long time ago.
Big Mike: Hold on, son! I'm not talking about doing some teenage porno here!

Morgan and Chuck discuss who is handling what or whom. Then Morgan makes an executive decision to take on the bad guys with Chuck. Chuck tries to reason with him, explaining he understands how the Intersect makes you feel like you can do anything.

Morgan: Here's the thing though, Chuck. You don't need the Intersect to feel that way, OK? With or without it, you are a hero! So don't call them! Alright? We can handle this, together. Just come with me. I need you.

Before going to their doom, Chuck calls on Sarah and Casey to help.

Yep, I am a sucker all over again because I love this stuff.

AND THEN THEY HAVE MORGAN FIGHT without any cute tricks and I am right back to the first episode where he looked RIDICULOUS! Arrghhh! There is that stuntman that looks nothing like Josh Gomez again. Yay!

Meanwhile five, we find out Casey and Gertrude have had sexy time before. Also, Chuck and Morgan get to kick ass together. It is actually fun watching Chuck kick ass WITHOUT the Intersect.

But when Morgan takes out a bad guy using an iconic Indiana Jones move, and Chuck calls attention to it, Morgan doesn't seem to have any clue what he is talking about... RUH ROH! Something is wrong! And after an argument, they get captured (obviously, why else would Casey and Sarah be on the way?).

But who saves the day? The Verbanski Corp! Yay! I am digging this Gertrude chick.

Gertrude: You know, some might say it's tacky hiring your competition to help you, but I, I think it takes balls. Oh and I'll have someone from our Burbank office drop off your bill. We don't have a payment plan.

Meanwhile sexy, Captain Awesome has delivered a superb performance for the Buy More commercial. But Carmichael Industries is still hurting financially.

Meanwhile seven, Chuck and Morgan have a classic end-of-episode CHUCK talk about the future of Morgan as the Intersect. But something else is wrong... he doesn't seem to care about Star Wars!

FINAL MEANWHILE, Chuck is actually exercising! Chuck and Sarah share a lame kiss. Casey works up the nerve to ask Gertrude out. Morgan sells himself as the Intersect to Verbanski... TRAITOR!!!!

Other quotables!

Chuck tells his brother-in-law that the presentation didn't go well.
Captain Awesome: What do you mean it didn't go well?! Did you give equal eye contact to all four quadrants of the audience?!
Chuck: It was, it was great. All of your advice was great.
Captain Awesome: Of course it was. It was the same tactics I used to woo your hot sister.

After Morgan ninja knocks out the client.
Morgan: Someone just found out that the zoom is mightier than the sword, my friend!

While trying to shoot the Buy More commercial, Lester attempts to sing.
Big Mike: Man, I am so over this whole Jeffster thing.
Lester: Me too.

When Morgan is relegated to the van while on a mission, he isn't happy and has a private conversation with himself about it, mockingly speaking for the others.
Morgan: Wait in the van, Morgan. Yeah, wait in the van. Oh, oh in the van, moron! Huh! Grunt, grunt!

Casey explains his attraction to Gertrude.
Casey: You ever have sex with someone who just tried to kill ya?
Sarah: (whispering) Oh god.
Casey: It's incredible.
Sarah: OK, I think we should focus on the mission now.

If I had to rate this episode, I would have to give it:

92 out of 100.

While some people are already whining like little babies about how annoying Morgan was (and he certainly was), I felt it served the story well and set up the next episode perfectly. Something is going on with the bearded guy and it isn't just his usual idiocy. The production values were very good, again, and we got a decent amount of Buy More with a dash of Captain Awesome. Also, the introduction of Gertrude was handled and performed well. I am excited to see where they take her character (it is always nice to see a real actor play the antagonist female role).  It loses a point for the creators of the show not realizing how ridiculous it looks every time Morgan's action sequence is performed by Josh's stuntman.

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CHUCK Vs. the Zoom - 5.01: What's Up?

So CHUCK returned last night for its 5th and final season, and based on the horrendous ratings it got (1.0 in the all important 18-49 demo), the first of the LAST THIRTEEN EPISODES EVER!

But you are not here to read what I think about its future prospects (the show is done), but instead what I thought of the episode (seriously, it is over, enjoy the next 12 because there is no chance in hell there will be more). Oh and if you are not an adult, or a cool kid, don't read past this point because I am going to use language that will make Baby Jesus cry.

Let's start off with what I didn't think worked:

1. Morgan's opening fight sequence. The fuckin' stunt man is like 12 fuckyfeet taller than Josh Gomez! Plus, his profile is... thinner, or something. Oh, and the hair wasn't even correct. Whattheshit? Perhaps they should have just put the camera on the rest of Team B and toss in some noises of Morgan fighting, then turn the camera back to him to show that he had defeated his opponents. Because that would have worked better. It would have still been dumb as pudding-pie, but an improvement over what was delivered.

2. Morgan and Sarah's dance. Oh yes, it was funny because of the height difference but the scene wasn't played for direct laughs, instead it was used to showcase some incestuous feeling (after all, Morgan should always treat Sarah like his deadly assassin sister) cool-dance by the Intersect. But Morgan as the Intersect should be played for laughs, or tragedy (ruhroh), not for cool. The writers should have looked at what Morgan was like without the Intersect (crazy, suicidal brave) and added abilities. BUT HE SHOULD STILL BE A MASSIVE GOOF.

3. The near-ending scene with Chuck and Sarah and the house... while the discussion between them was only BURN NOTICE level cheesy (holy shit that show is fuckin' cheesy), the setup was ridiculous. So, if Chuck had only bought this dream house 20-seconds sooner! But now they are out of money so he has to make enough to buy it for her! You see, the dream house will still be there months from now because no one wants that piece of shit, plus it is on the Warner Brothers lot so that works out perfectly for Chuck.... for when he can finally buy it for his dearest love. Awwwwwww. Lame.

4. Decker. Still stupid. After months off, the writers didn't make this interesting in the least. Everything he says feels like the writers are trying to figure out what it will all mean in 4 or 10 episodes. His dialogue reminds me of when someone is making up a lie in front of you and struggling through it. It feels unnatural. You know something is wrong. But they keep talking even as you look at them cross-eyed and then STAB THEM IN THE FUCKIN' FACE!

What did I like? Pretty much everything else.

1. Usually season openers have actors trying to find their character again but everyone felt natural.

2. Character interactions in one-on-one scenes were actually really solid. Chuck and Morgan? Great. Chuck and Sarah? Very good. Chuck and Ellie? Best scene of the episode.

3. The Buy More, though not in much of the episode, was very lively and fun. Jeff and Lester up to their silly tricks and Chuck, the secret owner, and Morgan having to stop the madness. I realize some assholes who should die don't like the Buy More, but they are assholes and should die.

4. While the T.I.T.S. acronym thing was much funnier initially, before we saw it written out, Sarah's reaction to seeing it was killer. I love when she is annoyed, especially by Morgan. And that is part of the problem with the dancing scene between her and Morgan... they work best when he is intimidated by her, not when he is impressing her.

5. Chuck not having the Intersect 2.0 abilities was AWESOME! Sure, him being able to kick ass and shit was fun for two seasons, but the show has so much more personality when he is a danger to himself. Plus, it was a nice touch to have him lose the gun because his hands were slippery, as opposed to him just being incapable of handling a gun... you know, since he was very handy with a tranq gun PRIOR to the Intersect 2.0.

6. Chuck the man with the master plan is a big part of what made season 2 so great. And they utilized that well in this episode. From him briefing the team, to him recording the escape plan in the van, to him actually escaping... I loved it all.

7. Morgan coming to save the day in the opening sequence was very funny... up until his fight sequence.

8. Casey's handling of the client early in the episode. Classic pre-feelings Casey. Baldwin may have even pulled out a little Jayne in one of the scenes. I had FIREFLY flashbacks.

9. Morgan and Sarah had the spy high-five last season... this season, a spy whateverthatis. Made me laugh.

10. And finally, some fun dialogue:

Casey isn't happy about the client, dismissing him as an "ambulance chaser" but Sarah tries to sway him that the target is worth going after.
Sarah: Casey, Bale is worth infiltrating anyway, looks like he's stolen money from teacher's unions, families.
Casey is dismissive and unimpressed.
Client: He stole $2 million from Rush Limbaugh.
Casey's entire demeanor changes as he spins around.
Casey: Tell me EVERYTHING you know about this ANIMAL!

Ellie: The computer didn't make you a hero. It just gave you the opportunity to become one.

When Chuck tells the team he is going to play squash with the mark, everyone looks worried.
Chuck: Whaaat? What what what? What's the problem? What's up?
Casey: You're gonna play? Do you actually play any non-video game sports?

When Morgan meets the mark he introduces himself, still using his ridiculous cover name.
Morgan: I'm Michael Carmichael, of Michael Carmichael Industries, subsidiary of Michael.
Bale: That sounds like big money.
Morgan: Mmmmm, you have no idea. You know, if I was standing on my wallet, I'd be tall.

Sarah suspects Chuck is keeping a secret and confronts him about it in Castle. Chuck is evasive and refuses to give anything up.
Sarah: Casey and I are going to scout Bale's corporate headquarters so we'll talk about this later.
Chuck: Can't this be that one-time conversation? (deadly look from Sarah)

Morgan and Chuck see Jeff rolling around in a wheelchair looking crippled. Lester tells them how it happened.
Lester: He was trampled by a stampede of middle-aged secretaries for the midnight release of the talking Justin Bieber doll. His legs were crushed. He may never walk again.

As Chuck and Morgan observe Jeff scamming money for his disability out of unsuspecting customers, they are convinced something is afoot. Jeff rolls up to a customer.
Jeff: Please, help. I'm on Buy More insurance right now.
Chuck and Morgan are hunched over watching from a distance.
Chuck: The audacity! As the secret owner of this establishment I happen to know we have excellent insurance.

When Jeff idiotically exposes his own fraud, Lester comes over to see his friend standing up, looking fine, with Chuck and Morgan nearby.
Lester: It's a miracle! This is because of your donations!
This moment was a particular favorite since it reminded me of all the bullshitting that fans do, patting themselves on the back for "saving" shows by doing some useless thing they think important, that no network decision maker ever actually notices, or if they do, thinks remotely important.

So, you guys made the show walk, with your tweets! (that's sarcasm, mind you)

If I were to rate this episode, I would give it:

89 out of 100

Oh and if you want to experience our podcast for the episode...
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